Rolling Prose

A good pick

2011-11-13T17:18:00.001-07:00

Today I found an unusual item. I bought it for only $4. One recently sold on ebay for $42. I think I did well.

1973 Del Webb Mint 400 Desert Rally Jim Beam decantur. Appears to be gold plated. Also has the Sahara casino logo on it.

Def a great piece for my soon to be bar room.

Can't do this alone

2009-11-09T22:23:00.003-07:00

Lord give me the strength,
I can not do it alone,
I beg and plead,
Don't ask for much,
Almost never ask for help,
Don't want to impose.

Talked to a brother,
A real brother,
You know who you are,
He said never to feel like that towards you,
You aren't to be abused,
Or used,
I've always felt it was wrong,
Throw your name around,
Ask for things,
Its just not me,
But I can not do this alone.

In my deepest hour,
The need becomes more intense,
You are near,
I got myself into this,
I will get myself out,
I just need strength,
I need you,
Your strength,
Your love.

More then strength,
Please send her comfort,
Send her strength
Send her understand,
Send her love,
All I ask.

Much rather see her happiness,
Then mine own,
Her joy,
Not my own,
Her smile,
Not mine.

Can not see much further,
Usually do,
Blind to future,
No clue no knowledge,
What can be done?
I know I can't do this alone,
Please help me.

Amazing star

2009-11-09T19:10:00.003-07:00

Sitting down knees,
Begging you please,
Not what you want to hear,
And so many years.

Scream and yell,
And I sit and dwell,
Much to much thinking,
With glass in hand drinking.

Call to end was taken,
Need to be at the end,
Must move on,
I'm not a pawn.

What's past is past,
Nothing in this world lasts,
Wishing one was here,
One so very dear.

Tomorrow is another day,
Bend down and pray,
Hope to see,
One day drama free.

Where is she?
Beyond beauty,
Inside and out,
Happy I scream and shout.

Is this a dream,
Sure it seems,
My luck not this good,
Figure it out, wish I could.

Floored with delight,
She is my light,
Bright like star,
Heart in her jar.

A moment in time

2009-11-02T08:29:00.004-07:00

Hello crack of dawn,
Hello morning sun,
Grin from ear to ear,
Even on Monday,
Weekend come and gone,
But not without a little spark,
Small fireworks,
Memory to forever keep,
Will keep me coming back.

Moment,
Time stopped instantaneously,
Single moment as if nothing else existed,
White noise,
Quiet storm,
The world stops,
And a breath as time continues on its way,
As if it needed the brief break,
Heart racing,
Unable to slow down,
Composure broken,
Is it possible that this moment will duplicate.

2nd time,
Yet not enough,
Is this heaven?
My own seven or eleven?
Did the world really stop?
Would I really have that kind of control?
That kind of power?
Even in my mind,
Was stopped,
Brief breath of air,
Or maybe just a stare,
Mind completely clear,
Can't get enough.

Seasons here

2009-10-30T08:33:00.003-07:00

Another summer day,
Has come and gone away,
The leaves all felt today,
And old man winter is to blame.

Maybe surrounded by,
Million people near,
Still feeling all alone,
But still enjoying the winter chill.

Riding the scoot,
Only for the hardcore,
Not the weak of hear,
Now I can see why,
Those weekend warriors,
Pick and choose,
Not for me,
Never will be,
Cold or not,
Ride til I die.

Jack Frost,
A nice fellow,
Keep me cold,
Disgust for the hot,
Heat and sweat,
Disappear.

Gear it up,
Bundled like a snowman,
Or Michelin man,
Light up the hog,
Rumble and roar,
Loves cold air,
Take off and soar.

Favorite time of year,
Old man winter,
I owe you a beer,
Welcome anytime,
Hang out on my dime,
Stay awhile,
While I smile.

Running on E

2009-10-29T09:14:00.002-07:00

Empty pockets,
Empty heart,
House full of furniture,
Feeling of losing smarts.

For days on end,
Running on E,
Wonder of pain,
Struggle to see.

Work for life,
Not live to work,
Could it all just disappear?
Even the smirk.

Running on E,
Struggle and fight,
Can only last so long,
Fighting not so wrong.

Last chance for freedom,
Last chance for gas,
Could that E gauge,
Be stuck to last.

Stuck in this God forsaken place,
Looking for a little space,
Little place,
That's all for the better,
This place is not on a map,
Its everywhere that I'm not at.

Can see it so clearly,
Can see this place,
Can only keep up the race,
No plan to face,
Mental block the space,
Keep my head up and keep the pace.

Loved and lost

2009-10-28T08:01:00.005-07:00

Remember staying with my sister that weekend,
Mom called me on phone with sadden tears,
Sat there in shock and disbelief,
As my family gathered around my grandpa's body.
He was my best friend,
Taught how me how to live,
How to play the organ,
And I cried listening to my family pray,
I still cry even to this very day,
Some that I've loved and lost along my way.

She was so beautiful the day that I met her,
At a biker bar I used to love to go,
For a month we saw each other there again,
Whole next year we couldn't get enough,
After she set me on my own way,
For a bit we still tried to keep in touch,
She was a great friend,
And it still breaks my heart,
But I'll never regret the day she became,
Some that I've loved and lost along my way.

Dislike losing those I've loved,
It weighs on my heart every day,
I can do is look above,
And I hope they all know,
Never would have made it this far alone,
Where would we all be without those,
Our best friends and lovers,
What about our sisters and brothers?
Or our father's or mothers?

Never would have made it this far on my own,
Wouldn't be the man I am today,
I would only have a heart made out of stone,
If not for those I've loved and lost along my way,
Along my path every day.

I'm just a country man with a bike,
Always looking down this old road I've traveled on,
It was about trying to be my best or a good friend,
For me its always been about forgetting the wrongs,
Take a look at my past as they are my best friends,
This is the life I've lived,
This is who I am,
I hope that I've given a smile,
To those that I've lost and loved along my way,
Because I couldn't be the man that or this day,
If it wasn't for all of those in my life,
That I've loved and lost along my way.

Is it so?

2009-09-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Lost?
A pet,
A friend,
A family member,
An acquaintance,
A sibling,
All the difference is all the same,
Lost!

The road,
Driving thru the countryside,
The highway,
Traveling across country,
Walking, running, bicycle, motorcycle, car, truck, train, boat, ship or plane,
All the difference is all the same,
Still yet lost.

Thoughts,
Goals,
Dreams,
Pursuits,
Every creature,
Every unique individual with their own,
All the difference is all the same,
Lost lost lost.

Meaningless,
Thoughtless,
Pointless,
Require map of existence,
Presence,
Intention,
A to B,
B to A,
A to Z.

Cycle of life,
Moves,
With or without us,
Ticking of a clock,
Won't ever stop,
Time finds a way,
Exists when nothing else does,
Still present when everything exists.

Peace,
Each has a way,
Direction from self creation,
Appointed by time given,
A ride to no where,
A walk thru God's country,
Variety to be at peace,
Some thrive to be alone in world of chaos,
Others thrive to be silent in a world of noise,
Some unsure.

Untitled

2009-07-22T20:19:00.002-07:00

There are those I've met,
Along this journey,
This constant challenge of persona,
We strive,
Move on,
Live passed it.

Those that I've loved,
Along the road,
Made me the man I am,
Molded clay,
In their careful hands.

Itinerary unknown,
Tentative plan,
Simple man,
No worries,
Always find himself,
Be satisfied.

Family's Blood

2009-07-17T15:01:00.002-07:00

All created the same,
In his image,
Wrapped in flesh,
Organs quasi,
X and Y's.

Ethnicity is of no concern,
Nor skin color,
Not body functions,
Nor talents.

All created,
The same,
And not.

Saying comes,
Saying goes,
Blood thicker than water,
So true it holds,
As in life,
It all unfolds,
Eventually.

Family's blood,
Grasp this for life,
Drag through the mud,
Still there,
Still here,
No where I'd rather be.

Blood isn't all,
If you Turn your back,
Rarely look to roots,
By here or kingdom come,
It just pollutes,
Remember this.

Family's blood,
True above,
Don't turn your back,
And deny your love,
Or tolerance,
Thall shalt be there,
Regardless.

Will tell anyone who asks,
Me or them?
Sorry family's blood,
Its in my power,
So shall respect,
So shall honor,
So shall be there,
Til the end.

Daydreaming

2009-07-17T07:58:00.001-07:00

Daydreaming,
As my friday starts,
Weekend so close I can taste it,
No excitement on the front,
Heat from the depths of hell,
Surely to consume me,
Not a good time for favors.

Daydreaming,
Riding,
Traveling,
Camping,
2 lane road,
Nature,
What God gave.

Daydreaming,
Project inspiration,
Movement begins,
Rebirth of ideas,
Intent focus,
Design changes,
For the greater good.

Daydreaming,
Imagery,
Foresee,
Remove this,
Little of that,
Elbow grease,
Dice and slice,
Not what it once was.

Daydreaming,
Piece of art,
Extension of personality,
2 wheel trophy,
Experience unreplacable,
Someday,
One day.

Goodbye

2009-07-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

Goodbye crack of dawn,
Goodbye hometown sun,
And goodbye hi,
After a long hard day,
Or a ride alone.

Goodbye way I know,
Goodbye way of life,
Goodbye passin' cars,
Goodbye up all nite,
Life moved on,
Without me,
Running on faith,
Tough it out.

What's true,
What's past is past,
And know,
Nothing in this world lasts.
Aren't those four lanes,
Moving fast?

Goodbye asphalt,
Thank you for the ride,
Watching over,
Remembering,
The time,
Rolling 2 wheels,
And you were there,
When I came home.
You lead me home,
You guided me there.

Goodbye,
So long,
Tomorrow is yet another day,
Blink of an eye,
In moves only one way,
Far from yesterday,
But the memories never fade,
They never will fade.

Goodbye asphalt,
Thank you for the ride,
Stuck in a rut,
Remembering,
When it was,
Different.
The time,
Had passed,
Shake my head,
Brush it off,
What's past is past,
And know,
Nothing in this world lasts.

Going Crazy,
Feel hazy,
Driving on those four lanes,
Thinking it will change,
And not so fast,
Running on "E",
Will it last?
With nothing left,
How can this be,
Hope of bereft.

Lord of the broken

2009-07-07T18:26:00.003-07:00

Where do I go from here,
Where do I move on from here,
Everything I lost is what I really want.
Hole left inside of me,
Her memory's place to haunt.
How can the best I've had,
Hurt so bad,
Hurt so long,
You know I'm not that strong,
You know I'm not.

God of broken wings,
God of broken hearts,
Where on earth are you?
Where on earth have you been?
Help me find a place to begin,
A place to start,
To get over her,
Over us, over it.
Did I mistreat love?
But I've suffered far long enough!
Lord take this pain away,
Remove the pain today.

Some days I think,
Come thru the damn worst of it,
And on the healing end,
Feeling good again.
Then she kicks up,
Like a tornado wind,
And covers up my head,
Covers up my mind.
Losing hours,
Losing day,
In the haze that used to be,
That is no more,
Then I'm on my knees.

Lord of broken wings,
Lord of broken hearts,
Where on earth are you?
Where on earth have you been?
Help me find a place to begin,
A place to start,
To get over her,
Over us, over it.
I've suffered far long enough!
Lord take this pain away,
Remove the pain today.

I've paid with my prayers,
I've paid with the feelings of shit,
I've paid with my tears,
Will probably pay for years and years,
Lord please help me here,
I could use a little mercy near.

Lord of broken wings,
Of broken hearts,
Where on earth are you tonite?
Where on earth have you been?
Help me find a place to begin,
A place to start,
A place to end,
To get over her,
Maybe I mistreated love,
Have I not suffered long enough?
Lord take this pain away.

Wound Up

2009-07-07T18:26:00.001-07:00

Looking
For the freedom,
A good time,
Little space,
A little place,
Man cave per say,
That is mine all mine.

Change of heart?
Want no part,
Looking,
For a blessing,
Is it all for the better?

As time passes on,
Quickly see,
This God forsaken place,
And I Feel the need,
Disconnect myself,
Leave it in the rear view.

Some far away place,
Isn't on a map,
Won't find it near.
Work alone,
Words are few,
Miles of nothing,
Except morning dew.

Nature surrounds,
Cold of night,
Heat of day,
Maybe rain on the way,
Freshest air,
Talking only in my mind.

My freedom,
My good time,
The space,
Mine all mine,
Place I belong,
Place I shall go,
Or will I?

Is it really for the better?
For them?
Or me?
Or everyone?
Can't quite see.

Devil's Bottle

2009-07-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

Thoughts of past,
Thoughts of present,
Thoughts of future,
Of thoughts in between.

Remnants,
What did,
What would have,
What should have,
What will be,
Should have been,
All worked out.

Disappearance in a cloud,
Dust,
Fading from my life,
What can I feel,
Nothing I can do.

Think about it,
Ruminate,
Regret reflection,
Eating me alive,
Wonder about,
Would have, should have, could have,
Won’t have.

The time,
Work,
Then, the hurt,
Now the pain,
Whiskey drain,
All day, all night,
Whiskey kills it,
Bottle on the dresser.

Choices we make,
Requirement,
Live that way,
Oh Regret,
Get to me,
Did you,
Will you,
Find what you were looking for?
Cross your mind,
Wonder sometimes.

Today, where would we?
Think about if,
What if’s,
Never turned your back,
Accepting,
Or not.

Whiskey crawl,
Whiskey drain,
Empty bottle on the dresser,
Thoughts of the day,
Walk in, always buy more,
Can’t buy,
A bring it back,
Forgiveness,
Forgetfulness.

Didn’t have to wake up,
Been up all night,
Not for long,
Gonna fly by,
Just a thing,
Just a time.

Thinking,
What can be done,
Nothing,
Ain’t a thing,
Whiskey crawl,
Whiskey drain,
Need a change,
Hop on the steel horse,
Ride away,
Devil’s bottle.

Remnants,
What did, and not,
What would have,
Moreso, what should have,
What will be,
What will come
Should have been,
Could have been,
Not today, nor tomorrow.
Think again,
Thought are it,
Past regret,
All you have.

Whiskey crawl,
Whiskey drain,
Devil’s bottle,
Never empty,
Always more,
Driving me insane,
Hide me from the pain,
Lie to me,
Bitter truth.

Steel horse shuffle,
Disappear in thought,
Disappear from eyes,
Caught on the crossroads,
Keep on riding,
Leave it all behind,
Rain wash it away,
Devil’s bottle,
Take away the pain.

Untitled

2009-07-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

Gently paint a picture,
How it all should be,
Could go to Mexico,
Trail out by the sea,
By now I should know,
Your dreams are never free.

Your eyes, I look so long,
Lost, faded, dream struck,
Deep in thought, preoccupation,
Everything I could have, wondered luck.

Holding you, with all I have,
My heart, my entirety,
Thought of future, dreams afar,
Fluttering so dizzily.

Yearning, longing, wistful,
Of the touch of your lips, soft skin,
Every breath, on inhale and exhale,
In past, within,
From sunrise, missing, lost without your smile,
Your happiness, your grin.

Visions of your face,
Seduces me to sing,
Who holds they key to your heart?
Protect, I shall, no matter the sting,
Even imposable death,
Guarding it, similar to king.

Living all of my days,
Trying to embrace,
Life with my heart,
By the beauty,
I feel and create.

Seeing a sunset,
When I close my eyes,
Taking me closer to heaven,
As I feel you next to me,
Feel the embrace.

Will you stay with me,
Will you be my love,
We’ll forget the sun,
We’ll forget the moon,
One in God,
Solitaire one.

Untitled

2009-07-07T18:21:00.002-07:00

Time yet passing by,
As is my life,
Like the wind,
When seasons change.
Reminisce on a past,
That had no future,
No existence to come,
None to follow.
Only showing the emptiness of a Black Hole,
As though had seen before,
And yet again.
A man,
A knave in his own time,
His era past,
Others to come,
In his footsteps,
Not having any idea,
What is yet to come.
He finally sees sight,
Of a future so bright,
Bright like the sun.
A woman can never change a man,
With worlds of effort,
But her love can help,
Help in belief that he is loved,
That he is cared for,
That he is wanted,
That he is needed.
An exhilarating feeling,
To be needed,
To be loved,
Unconditionally,
Forever.
That,
Can not be replaced,
Money can’t buy,
But, love can grow.
Waving a kiss to say good-bye,
The sky fall down.
A child of promise,
Miles of promise.
If only I could stay with you,
My train moves on,
You’re gone from view,
But are you?
Days will pass,
Your words to me,
Seems so long,
Eternity,
But I must wait,
To see your face,
Just to sing “Amazing Grace”.
To be grateful you’re by my side,
To walk on clouds in Heaven’s skies.
A dream come true,
A brave young fool,
Just to say one thing to you.
I’m here,
Right by your side,
Stand with me,
Stand in pride.
Through everything I do,
Through everything said and done,
One thing to never come,
Breaking apart will never be,
After saying one in thee to three,
I have these feelings,
So fast they came,
I have these feelings,
No one to blame,
I have these feeling,
I know are true,
I just want to say,
That I love you.

We Were Meant To Be

2009-07-07T18:21:00.001-07:00

Most amazing thing I’ve seen,
Together or not,
How pathetic,
How cute,
How we met,
How we are,
To imaging you with me,
Like touching a star.
No problems,
Good friends,
All I see,
We were meant to be.

Call it kismet,
Call it fate,
All I know,
It’s too late.
My heart is gone,
My heart is weak,
One look at you,
I can’t speak.
To hold you hand,
Just so grand,
To kiss your lips,
My hands,
Your hips.
To make love,
In your arms,
Hug you so tight,
Caress your skin,
From deep within,
I feel so good,
To be in sin.
Four months gone by,
As you see,
We were meant to be.

This, only the beginning,
Only the start,
In your hands,
My weakened heart.
Hold it close,
Hold it tight,
Hold my heart day and night.
For it is yours,
Now to be,
Forever,
Life and love,
We were meant to be.

Pathetic & Loving It

2009-07-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

In a world of joy,
Or now it seems,
As I lie,
Thinking back,
Back to a time when it wasn’t mirth.
Thinking back,
And yet again.
I sit and ponder,
Wonder,
Think.
Never realizing a time so full of happiness,
Is this a gift?
Possibly from heaven?
Why me?
Is this a joke?
As I beat myself in stupidity,
I ask, “Why not me?”
Vivacity is all I feel.
I lie awake,
Thinking of her,
My heart quakes,
Thinking of her.
I scream her name,
If I know she hears me,
In the dark,
In the light,
I see the sun,
It comes a bright.
When I’m not with her,
The pain is real,
And I cry inside,
Cause I’m missin’ her.
The nights are so lonely,
In an empty bed,
The days are the same,
Thoughts of her always in my head.
I feel like a nobody without thee,
Is it just me?
Is it just me?
One day, my heart will not be free,
Is it to be?
Is it to be?
To love thee?
To love thee with all my heart?
To love thee with all my soul?
To love thee with all my mind?
To love thee?
With all my being?
Does she feel?
Will she feel?
Will love cross her?
I think so.
I hope so.
I think so.
Pathetic are we, the above,
What does that mean?
White doves?
Expressing or arousing tenderness,
That’s it, that’s us.
I love this feeling,
I love it,
I love what I feel inside.
Shall make her feel like a woman,
When she catches her breath,
And her heart rate slows,
As we travel,
Each sacrificing our freedom,
For each other’s hearts.
I want to be the air you breath,
I want to be your protector,
But never leave you.
Never leave you.
Pathetic are we,
Pathetic we both shall be,
Pathetic and happy,
Pathetic are we,
Pathetic and loving it.

“The Song”

2009-06-24T17:09:00.004-07:00

I returned,
As you heard,
And as you know,
God rules over all.
Something is going on,
Valentine’s Day is here once again,
Romantic feelings,
Blow in the air,
Like the wind,
On a day,
When the beach is near.
I love roses,
When given to me,
I get shy,
And mushy,
And fall into your arms,
Like putty in your arms.
When I give a rose,
It’s always with meaning,
Comes from my heart,
With sincere dedication.
You are provocative,
And now,
I got you.
And I’m always giving my all to you,
Cause you’re my Lady.
I will stand behind you all the way,
And if something ever happened,
Please, don’t make me guess what it was.
Just tell me where it hurts,
And I’ll make it right.
Even if I have to knock the boots,
Or lick you up,
Or lick you down.
Forever my lady,
Is what you’ll say,
And if you ever leave,
I’ll cry for you and pray.
Let me make you lose control,
Cause I’ll love you all night.
If you ever leave,
I’d die without you,
So boomerang back,
And let me give all my love to you.
In my thought,
In our future,
Let’s chill,
Cause I’m your guy,
And we will be,
Together forever.
I love the 29th,
It’s just great,
Hey, it’s our anniversary,
And I’m dedicating this one,
To my favorite girl,
Cause I’ve never felt this way,
Never felt like this before.
Here and now,
I pledge to love you,
Faithfully.
Let me make you feel right,
I’ll make love to you,
Like you want me to,
I’ll hold you tight,
All through the night.
You’re my friend,
I love you so,
If I ever fall in love,
Like this,
So true,
Let it please be with you.
My friend,
My friend,
My best friend,
My love,
My lover and my friend,
My Valentine,
My sweetheart,
My wife,
Not now,
But soon.
I love you!

Untitled

2009-06-24T17:09:00.003-07:00

Lately I’ve had the most unusual feelings,
But yet thought of losing you,
It’s been hanging around my mind.
I’m a man,
I have many wishes,
But my eyes won’t let me hide,
Cause I always start to cry,
Cry,
Cause this time could mean goodbye,
Goodbye,
I hate good-bye’s,
I don’t want it to,
I’m trying to tell myself that I have a reason,
To be in your heart,
But I don’t know,
So I start to cry,
Cry,
One look in your eyes,
There I look deep,
I see just what you mean to me,
In my heart I believe,
Your love is all that I’ll ever need,
In your eyes,
I see what happiness really is,
Looking at you,
Makes life so sweet,
So sweet,
These feelings I have,
Feel so right,
In your eyes,
I see all that I want a love to be.
There is a time,
My dream is over,
I can’t forget about the time,
When time is all I have,
I remember a time when I had nothing,
But an empty heart inside,
I needed inspiration,
I needed light,
You are the light shining into my life,
But not yet there,
I could have never stopped searching,
And still never realize,
This treasure of a lifetime,
I’ve dedicated my heart to you,
It’s more than most can give,
And yet I still cry,
Tell me what you want,
Tell me what you want me to do,
I’ll give you the sun, the moon,
The stars and the rain,
I’ll give you almost anything,
And all that you wish for,
Ever more,
If you wish,
I’ll climb mountains,
I’ll swim seas,
I’ll pray that you will be there for me,
Forever more,
You already have my heart, my soul, and my time,
I’ll walk a million miles,
Everything is not anything,
If you’re not here to see my dream,
You have no idea what it means to me,
My heart beats for you,
I can’t get enough looking at you,
So I’ll wait.
Wait for your love.
There’s nothing I would rather do,
You’re an angel in disguise,
I hear your voice in my mind,
I know your face by heart,
Tell me,
Tell me,
The words to describe,
I don’t want to lose this dream of mine,
When your heart’s in someone else’s hand,
Their wishes are your command,
As you wish,
As you wish,
I’m in too far
I’m in too deep,
Deeper than any pool, any sea, any ocean,
I’m going crazy,
I lose sleep,
Because I think of you,
Yes, you,
Only you,
If you could see inside my heart,
Then you would understand,
The feelings, that I feel,
Take every little piece of my heart,
My soul, my mind,
Is there anything I would not do,
I have a place in my heart for you,
Somewhere deep inside,
There has never been a time
When I wanted something more,
Don’t you understand,
I want to be your man,
Ask and I will do,
I’ll do it just for you,
When you breathe,
I want to be the air for you,
I’ll close every door,
Leave the cold outside,
I don’t need anything,
When you’re by my side.

Untitled

2009-06-24T17:09:00.001-07:00

Going on,
As the days seem to,
Moving slow,
Moving fast,
Time doesn’t change speed,
Or does it?
Think of past,
But why?
Past stays,
The future was changed.
An attitude of hatred,
A feeling of pain,
Love that can never be returned,
All of thee,
Yet changed.
With pain in my heart,
A broken heart,
With so much pain,
The numbness fills it,
Like a glass full of water,
The lid was sealed,
To never come off.
Vulnerability to never enter my life ever again,
Never again.
But, then you came along,
Like the Prince,
To sweep me off my feet.
Glass lid removed,
Water emptied,
All as one sitting of a meal.
So quickly, how could I change,
Fate has taken control of this ship,
Never to be in our hands.
And I’m falling,
And yet, still can’t believe,
What has happened,
What is happening.
I see your smile,
I see your eyes,
I know your happy,
When I’m by your side.
The more I see you,
The more I want to.
You’ve brought me happiness,
You’ve brought me joy,
We’ll make this last,
Together.

Untitled

2009-06-24T17:08:00.006-07:00

When I first met you,
It was a wonderful sight,
Who would have known,
I was a fright.
So scared just to say hi,
Even so much as a wave.
Things,
Time,
Has changed so much,
Much come and gone,
Like a wintry night’s chill,
As it moves,
But calm,
Very calm.
When we spoke again,
To my surprise,
You were interested in me,
As much, if not more, than I was you.
My self-esteem was shortly before,
Devastated,
And lie in ruins.
Even while dating a few,
It still lie the same.
“I don’t care”,
“Women suck”,
Kept coming to mind,
Back then,
A promise was made to my self,
Never, will I care again,
It appeared the attitude got me many dates,
And this ego grew bigger.
We kept talking,
Then you startled me,
Enlightening me how easy,
How I could have you.
But, just then, I was not ready,
Commitment was a frightening word.
I grew closer to you in friendship,
And, as you said, you in I.
Care, once again, crossed my path,
Fear overcame my being,
Wondering why,
Why did I deny,
Past attitude?
Past anger?
Past resolution?
Commitment came to you,
With joy,
You shared it with me,
With sadness,
I attempted to comfort your soul,
But, you said anger was in my heart.
It was not,
Despondency was in this heart,
Yet, I jumped for joy in your vivacity.
When this delight turned into hate,
Sorrow,
Anguish,
I was there!
To comfort you,
To help you,
To be there.
A second occurred,
And I was there again,
Still.
I try to bring you happiness,
Nevertheless, you walk towards hell,
As I said before,
Continually denying I’m not one of them.
You say you hate players,
Then why do I feel like I’m being played?
You know I’m still here when you fall,
Though it seems as though it is working against me,
Like a cushion,
And that’s it.
If you wanted to be mine,
So easily,
In the past,
Why not now?
I’ve looked from both perspectives,
You’re confused,
You should try to see through my eyes.
You say you don’t know what to do,
But I think you do,
Just afraid to do it.
I’m backed into a corner,
Not sure what to do,
But it’s not my decision,
Your call!
Just let me know.
But through all, I still want this friendship,
And your happiness,
Nothing less.
One word,
Regret.
Will you miss me?
Will you regret?
Think about it!

Glasses of Love

2009-06-24T17:08:00.005-07:00

Love,
So grand,
So terrible,
So incredible,
So deadly.
Love of a lifetime,
That was not,
Is it so?
Love is blind,
Why do they say?
Blind as a bat,
As it eats away your life,
Piece by piece.
Thought I was over it,
At the littlest,
Just moving on,
Realizing that past will never be repeated.
When we talk like friends,
Everything is everything.
When it ends,
There’s a missing part of me,
Did you take it?
Did you take it again?
A piece of life is missing,
Can not be found,
Or can it?
But how?
They say it will always be missing,
That would make me whole.
How can life go on?
If it’s partly gone?
Now it’s too late to hold you,
Cause you’re so far away.
Never had I imagine,
To live without your smile.
It hurts to stay friends,
And hide the missing piece of life.
The sun no longer shines the same,
But different,
As I try to make the days brighter.
One thing grown stronger,
Through this,
Is the friendships I took for granted,
And almost blew off,
Like a feather in the wind,
With no thought,
Or care,
Of what I was doing.
Since the end,
The priorities have come into play,
When I felt blind,
I was lost and could not see,
But now I’m found
And will find,
Or attempt to find the piece of life,
Which has bee left,
Stolen,
Or taken with unknown permission of the blind.
Seems like I lost so many friends along the way,
But I never did,
Illusion is all that was seen,
Since then,
I have taken off the glasses,
From which they blinded perfect eyes.

One Sweet Group of Friends

2009-06-24T17:08:00.003-07:00

A dream,
One sweet day,
When all is well,
We are together.
All,
Not one missing.
Will it happen?
Will we get that one sweet day?
That is true love,
True happiness.
Just like a picture of heaven,
In the mind of one,
Or is it in all,
To one day come?
A shoulder to cry on,
An ear to listen,
A voice to comfort,
We’re all here,
Always,
For one another,
But will that day,
That one sweet day,
Will it come?
Friends that are friends forever,
Thanks to the Lord above,
Feels as grand as a dove,
Floating above and beyond,
Wildest dreams.
As we all wish when we were small,
To be together forever,
To live,
Sleep,
Educate,
Learn,
And all go to the same school,
But time has brought different plans,
To the group that is,
That was,
Will it become the group that will always.
To be or to not be?
Is that the question?
As we grew,
Each went separate ways,
Still keeping in touch,
As time passes with each new day,
Wishing and wanting togetherness,
Our destiny.
Will the world be kind?
With each?
All, have the group,
Deep in mind,
Deep in heart.
Much the same with each,
Each plans to work,
Within an area.
All trying to stay together,
Seems so hard,
Everyone seems as far as the planets,
The distance an eternity.
A dream,
One sweet day,
When all is well,
And we are together,
Forever,
And ever,
And ever,
And ever.

The Future

2009-06-24T17:08:00.001-07:00

Love,
As never felt before,
Swept over my body.
I never thought that I would love,
What is love, really?
Never thought I would know,
Never felt I wanted to know,
But, I let my heart go,
A mother to it’s child,
Is how I felt.
As this love,
Unconditional.
Explain?
No,
Not easily taken.
Not a fight,
Only one argument,
But explain.
She did,
Her side.
Still,
No understanding.
I felt so loved,
So loved,
Never felt that way,
Always knew,
Felt,
Feared.
It would be dumped,
Thrown away,
Yesterday’s garbage.
Remembering her prom,
Lady in black,
Will never forget that.
In my head,
In my ears,
Listening,
Playing,
Lady in red,
Or should I say black?
Never seen you looking so lonely,
So beautiful,
My head held high,
Knowing it was I,
That was with you,
That night,
Many nights.
Never once,
Not once,
Took anything,
I mean anything,
For granted.
Never seen you looking so gorgeous,
As you did that night.
I wanna be by your side,
You took my breath away,
Still do.
I couldn’t breathe,
So amazing.
I have never had such a feeling,
Such a feeling of complete and utter love,
As I did before.
We danced,
Cheek to cheek.
This beauty,
I’ll never forget,
How you looked,
How I felt,
How it was.
I have never loved,
Or will ever love,
As I did.
You!
My past behind me,
Yet still haunts me,
Day after day.
Scars will never heal.
But,
I, yet, want to heal my heart.
I still love you,
I still yearn for you,
I still miss you,
I still care for you,
I still want you,
To stand by me,
Forever.
That’s the way it will be,
Always,
Forever.
So perfect,
Everything seemed,
But why wasn’t it.
I gave you everything I had,
Everything I could imagine,
Would have given you the world,
Still will.
Still take my breath away,
Always will.
I wonder,
If things could be different,
If they will ever be the same,
Question comes over.
How can one moment be fine,
On the phone,
In person,
Then boom,
Nothing.
The bomb goes off.
My life has changed so much.
From the beginning I was destined,
As everyone is,
Why is my life,
Rubbish?
Negative always happens to me,
Not surprised.
From grade school,
To what is so called,
Junior High,
High School only made things worse,
I’ll never live it down,
Never outlive the nightmares.
And now.
More surgery,
What else is going to happen?
Want the knowledge now,
Up front,
Before it happens.
Remembering back,
You cried,
I said I was thinking about moving,
You don’t know what you’d do without me?
That’s not what you act like,
Even words,
Don’t seem literal.
Before you left,
Again,
Thoughts of confusion crossed my mind.
One moment,
Made me feel needed,
The next,
Unwanted,
Even as friendship.
Only thing that remains,
The future.
Only one question remains,
Do we have a chance?
Will we ever get back together?
Do I have a chance with you again?
No garbage,
No BS,
Right to the point,
Don’t be afraid to hurt my feelings,
You’ve already succeeded in that.
But, do I have a chance?
Please,
My last plead,
For sincerity,
Honesty,
The truth of “our” future?

Untitled

2009-06-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

To shame,
Only word,
Feeling.
As summer gathers the beautiful leaves,
Everyone seems to run,
Not from me,
But they should.
Yet another has past,
Not much learned,
Hatred.
That one simple thing,
Yet I hide it well.
That scares, but one individual,
Unnamed,
Anonymous.
Through all that has happened,
I have not evolved,
But immatured,
Learning nothing but hatred.
Learning nothing of what has yet to happen,
But anger,
Hostility,
Wanting, not, of what the future holds.
On the edge.
Wanting to eat from the barrel,
Could it all end so fast?
The love of family,
The love of friends,
The love of one,
Yet the love of another,
Still not keeping the wheels turning,
But the debts,
Debts of money,
Debts to my creators,
Not heavenly but Earthly.
I wouldn’t call that love,
Hate,
That’s what it is.
Love does cross,
One, yet, still,
Visit,
Almost on a final note,
A last strum,
A last beat.
Love did cross,
Still present.
Once a rose,
Now a dead flower,
Straight from my heart.
It was said,
You,
Me,
Thanks for being such a great “friend”.
Another heart in my hand,
Thinking,
Not wanting it!
Ever!
Why?
Why did I do this????!!!!
Afraid to let those down,
Not knowing why.
I want things back to normal!
NORMAL!
The stats proved correct,
My stats,
Although I fit right in,
I’m an asshole too,
I’m male,
It’s expected,
Can I die now,
But I won’t,
I’ll fit right in.
There’s a saying.
I’m stuck,
“Between a rock and a hard place”.
Well, I am.
After the debts,
Am I finished?
I don’t want to be stuck.
Need to be me,
To be separated for everyone,
Forever.

The Release

2009-06-24T17:06:00.002-07:00

We leave,
As if so many times before.
Children’s voices heard vaguely in the background noise,
In the distance.
Sun peaking over the mountains,
As if a bloody filled sky,
Filled with a thousand flashes of light,
Bright,
Yet dull.
The weather yet not as warn as the Sahara,
Or the morning sun.
Background still louder,
Even more so.
Other side of the world,
Filled with ocean,
Like a lagoon,
So beautiful,
So beautiful.
The road seems long,
Never ending,
As far as the eye can see.
In my dreams,
She comes back to me,
Yet reality hits hard when awakened.
Frightened,
But awed,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Wanting to bad that it be true.
Thinking back,
My best friend,
He tries to help,
Remembering she’s still here.
Difficult comes to mind,
Scared also blasts up,
Afraid to confront.
Everything is so, so different,
Unsure of what to come,
Not happy of where I am.
Almost unwilling,
Yet, thriving on responsibility.
As the sun rises more,
I see,
So beautiful,
So peaceful,
Distant mountains.
The separation between, where I came from,
And where I will be,
Several moments,
Time,
Uncomfortable,
In between.
Stands alone,
Or though it seems.
Now,
Nothing is as it seems,
Everything is so foreign,
I keep asking myself,
Why?
The separation grows closer,
Closer,
closer,
Not close enough to touch yet,
Not willing to touch it,
Realizations that I will have to.
This desolate land,
Yet so peaceful,
Wanting the out of body,
To wonder,
To explore,
To change,
To become me.
All that time,
All that land,
As far as I can see.
The blankless sky,
No longer
As beautiful as it was.
Rolling hills,
Almost totally freeing my mind,
Allowing me to think more clearly.
Picturing myself,
Climbing,
All these mountains,
Walking all this land.
Thinking of the past,
My best friend,
Spending time,
Not speaking much,
Filled with that speechless conversation.
A thousand words,
In a few short days,
Yet remembering,
Not vocal.
Mind is free as a bird,
Wondering,
Wondering so much.
Not certain why,
but floating,
Trying to find a reason,
A sort of release,
Of my energy.
Soon my destiny will arrive,
Shortly where I will lie.

Floating, Like a Bird

2009-06-24T17:06:00.001-07:00

Where has my mind taken me now?
Floating freely as a bird,
Drifting,
Watching everything below.
There.
Look.
Look there,
I see him.
I know that face,
That’s,
Is it though?
Ow, this isn’t a dream,
Pinching still hurts.
Yes, that is me.
Yet how can it be?
I’m floating,
But it looks like me,
Does what I do,
Sounds of me.
I watch myself,
Wondering,
Why have you changed?
It’s like starting all over.
Clean slate.
A new era has begun,
A bird?
Unsure of what is yet to come.
That point of no return.
I can’t go back,
Why all this madness?
Go back,
Go back!
But, can a bird fly backwards?
Unsure of what is yet to come.
Unsure that I want it to come,
But, yet, I do.
Dogs,
Maybe I am one.
They look at you with that look.
The look of Unconditional Love.
Creatures create love,
But am too?
A child receives,
A parent gives.
Dogs give to all.
Women give to men,
Males give to females.
I see the big dipper,
Desire,
To fly,
To go to the stars.
I will just have to take that step,
To go on,
That HUGE,
Yet small step,
That chance.
I feel as if I’m floating.
With want,
Floating like a bird,
Back towards myself.
Back,
Back to the dream,
Before it began.
I will do it again,
As I should,
By myself,
Without the wings.

Concerned

2009-06-24T17:04:00.001-07:00

Love?
What is love?
God is love,
Or so they say.
Love,
Intense affection and warm feeling for another.
Lust,
Intense,
Excessive,
Or unrestrained sexual desire,
And overwhelming craving,
To have an inordinate desire.
Infatuation,
To inspire with foolish and unreasoning love,
Or attraction.
Hate,
Detest.
To dislike,
Hatred,
An object of hatred.
All somewhat related.
But,
Are they?
Are they really?
How do I love thee,
Let me count the ways,
And run out of fingers and toes,
Words,
Yes, them too.
No words to describe this feeling,
Feelings?
Is it plural,
More than one?
God is love?
God is love!
If God is love,
Them I’m love,
Part of the body.
Or am I?
Soldier of love?
Love?
Soldier of God?
Soldier of the Lord?
Soldier,
One who serves in an army,
And enlisted person as distinguished from an officer.
Soldier?
Yeah.
I am,
I am.
Serve?
Yes!
Serve in the army of the Lord,
Army of love,
Serve in the body,
Body of Christ.
Affection for you.
Fondness,
For you.
Related?
Yes,
Love,
Caring,
To be concerned,
Or interested.
Without doubts.
Not one.

The Pain Inside

2009-06-24T17:03:00.004-07:00

It hurts me so,
To find that others are attracted to you.
I know you flirt,
I can’t stop that,
Don’t want to stop that,
I love that in you.
I can’t stop it,
Don’t want to stop it.
It’s you,
It’s part of you,
It’s your persona!
Don’t know why it bothers me,
A feeling of insecurity,
Possibly.
Probably.
Most definitely.
Insecurity always overcomes thee,
Whether from within,
Or without.
Do I take your love for granted?
That,
That is the question.
Does a rose always work?
Does it explain all?
Do you see that I care?
Worriness.
No one compares to you!
Enough said.
Or maybe not.
No one compares to you!
Your smile,
Beautiful brown eyes,
Lips out of this world,
Voluptuous,
Smoooooth legs,
Hands that a lady should have,
Long, soft, gorgeous hair,
Kiss that hypnotizes,
To a putty.
What am I not fulfilling?
Anything I can do for,
Or to you?
I know I don’t have to,
But, I would give up everything,
I mean EVERYTHING,
Just to be with you,
For eternity.
You are always on my mind.
Don’t give up on me.
Please.
The love we share was meant to be.
I can’t see myself,
With no one else but you.
I wish you were home.
So many night,
I long to hold you.
So many nights,
I lay here all alone,
And, how bad, I wanted to call you on the telephone.
I can’t go a day,
Without you on my mind.
I need to dry my tears,
Erase my doubts,
And take it all in time.
I think about you some more.
I see your eyes,
Something in your eyes,
That tells me,
To calm down.
I feel in love on a very special day.
I can’t believe,
We both looked at the Christmas tree.
I never thought I’d fall in love,
Not with you,
Not anybody.
You know everything about me,
I want to know you better,
Want to know your deepest darkest secret,
You know mine,
Want to know your fantasies,
So I can fulfill them,
Make them come true.
I need you to know,
That I’ll be there for you,
Whenever you need me,
All you have to do is call me,
Call my name.
It’s true,
Only for you.
Only for you.
Just for you.
So many things scatter through my head,
At this very moment.
I feel as if I’m writing my own head,
Full of music,
But I’m not.
Why does the world come down on me?
I’ve only done what I’ve been told,
What’s wrong with that?
Why do I always get the wrong end of the stick?
Why me?
I’m tired of all the garbage,
So tired,
So sick and tired,
Of everyone!
I mean everyone!
EVERYONE.
Why does life punish some?
I error,
I’m only human.
What can I do?
Go on, I guess.
Go on.
Just go on.
Move on and go on.

Goodbye

2009-06-24T17:03:00.003-07:00

One word,
I don’t like to hear,
Don’t like to say.
Hate it,
Despise it,
Try to avoid it.
Can’t just say it,
Avoid it.
You’ve left twice,
More yet to come.
I’ve always hated the word.
Always try to avoid it.
I would rather say “See ya later”
Than say that horrid word.
I have more fear,
In one word,
That word,
Than anything in life.
What is it?
What is it about that word?
I have never liked it.
Tell me what to do!
I want you to know something,
This one thing is true,
It’s straight from my heart,
Mind,
Body,
And soul,
My whole being.
I know I say “I Love You”
Over again.
It just does not describe feelings I have.
I love you now,
And more than I have ever loved.
Ever!!
Ever!
Ever.
Ever...
I just,
Plain and simple,
Don’t want to say that word,
Don’t want to ever,
Lose you.
I love you.
I love who you are.
I love the things you do.
I love your beautiful smile,
I miss the smile just the same.
I love you.

Keep Your Head Up

2009-06-24T17:03:00.001-07:00

Sorry about all,
I know you have all going on,
Wish I could help,
I know how it is,
I am experiencing the same here.
One hint,
Try to relax,
Not stress.
It’s hard,
I know,
You know,
We all know.
Whatever you do,
Lord is watching,
No matter what,
He’s there,
Whatever it is,
You want from me,
You know,
I’ll give you.
Keep your head up.
It’s not so bad.
Things are not as bad as they always seem.
You’ve got lots of love,
Coming from home,
Coming from everywhere,
Would you let me dress you,
In comfort,
Not stress,
Not confusion.
Through all,
Keep your head up.
Got mine up.
Everything is just fine.
Feeling of comfortness.
Time, time, time,
To relax.
Did my best,
And did my best,
I did perfect.
No helplessness here,
Go away, go away,
Don’t come back, any day.
Remember,
Remember,
Don’t forget,
I love you,
I’m here for you,
Whatever you need,
I will provide.
So, keep your head up.

Cross In Hand

2009-06-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

Regret I felt before,
Is non-existent.
The ring finally in hand,
Worth all,
Holds our future.
Can’t explain in words,
Or by actions,
How I feel,
How I truly feel.
Anniversary comes,
‘Twas the best night of my life.
Truly,
Ever.
With the cross at hand,
Both at hand,
I plead for mercifulness.
Worry crosses my mind.
Are you okay?
Did you arrive safe today?
Vaguely remembering a dream,
In the back of my mind.
Actually a nightmare.
You don’t love me?
What?!
Are you crazy?!
As I speak,
I suddenly awake,
In my comfort, on my bed,
In tears or near,
Or near.
Later I called,
You said , “Yes, I still love you”
“Why?”
I fully explained.
Again wondering,
Mind that is,
You explained change,
But, not understanding,
Whatever.
Clearly stated,
Oh, I understand,
Yes I do!
I’d seen,
Not the same person in front of me,
Or though it seemed.
Then I felt your presence,
It was you,
No change.
Felt you back.
The cross still at hand.
Both at hand.
Not a tear in my eyes.
Just many.
See,
Look,
It’s the Rosary,
The one you gave,
It’s sitting over there.
My time of glory is near,
I need to concentrate,
On my work, studies,
I have unfortunately built myself for the worst.
My last seven grades have been 5;
If I get anything less,
I won’t know what to do.
Why do I have to be so perfect?
Why perfect?
Why do I try to be perfect,
Even though I know my goal will never succeed?
Humbleness is not a choice,
Only perfection.
But why?
Leaving,
Not me,
Yours to be,
But you,
Was not easier,
But harder,
Without those awful tears.
But I know it’s better this way.
For me and my work,
And you for your work.
Do you think we would get any work done?
NO!
My big project is almost done.
After that,
Kick back time.
Perfection is a joke.
I’ve never been perfect at or about school,
I finally have something to be proud of.
Kiss the lighter for good.
Never again.
You were the reason the first time,
You’re the reason now.
You’re the doorway to my reason.
As you tell my excuse.
You were right,
I am smart,
I’m going to leave the school,
With one of the highest grades ever.
Boy,
That feels good.
I in my work,
And you,
Gave me confidence,
Oh, let’s not forget Chris Murphy,
Who scored higher than I will,
But he is my goal,
Idol,
In a sense.
Cross in hand.
Both in hand.
I need them,
Both of them.
Cross in hand.
Both of them in hand.
I need it,
I need them.
Mind on you, always.
Cross in hand.
Both in hand.

Graduate Message 95

2009-06-16T18:45:00.002-07:00

Let me give you a little history before this one. I went to radio broadcast school, where I graduated with flying colors. I was commended on being one of the only students to pass with almost perfect scores in everything. I was very dedicated to this school. I graduated in 1995. As as graduate, you got to write something on the wall (literally). If could be anything not offensive with most giving words of wisdom. Instead of that, I wrote a poem that contained names or nicknames of everyone I hung out with and did shows with at the school. There were also some inside jokes in it, so you may not really understand it. At the time, I could have told you..since I have forgotten much.

When I first came here,
There was nothing I knew.
My mind a sphere,
And, boy, it sure grew.
I wanted to be on top,
So I looked up to pop,
Chris Murphy that is,
One thing he told me,
That this is a biz.
No room for a joke,
No room for the sadness,
Just talk to Isaac Adams
Call him Da Madness.
Our music is cool,
We should be the director,
Sean Lynch is the fool,
We’ll be the corrector,
If he starts his dictatorship again and again.
Murder was the case that they gave Rossi Dan,
You know why,
Cause he killed Da Man.
Lisa Wilcox quit touching my hat,
Before I get my gat,
And go rat-tat-tat-tat.
Joe Sickly Muther Father,
Don’t even bother.
Don’t choose,
Just stick with the news.
Dan the Mancub,
It is true,
The Suns rule,
All, Except the NBA,
The way they play,
This year.
M.J. Millet,
Get off the skillet,
Go get me a sub,
And use your real name Scott Weston.
You’re impressing,
The hell out of me.
Instead of blah or of blah,
Keep your voice, don’t go soft.
Terry is Joe,
Joe is Terry,
Terry is no way as good as our Kerry.
The man is bad to the bone,
So leave now, just go home,
While Spanky and Tom answer the phone.
Bill Chapman, D-pants-ed,
What need I say?
Side show Bob, Bogart the mic,
Don’t know news, take a hike,
But he nose,
So he rose.
Mr. Voice, Russ Walton had to go,
I knew he would never blow.
Alison, thank you for those Vocal Coaching Classes,
Better keep wearing those real thick, big glasses.
Steve Trella, hey fella,
You gave me the confidence I needed
And pleaded,
For.
Joy, the lady, had a baby,
Oh joy.
Ken Brown is in town,
Around, and might be a bore,
Let’s go on break, can we have four?

April 5th, 1995, live,
Now I’m ready to jive,
And leave this joint, get the point?
1-2-3 and to the 4
Charlie is here, and Freddie Smooth is out the door.

Those that I missed, or I didn’t mention,
I did so with grave intentions.

A Prayer From Above

2009-06-16T18:44:00.002-07:00

I remember it so clearly,
Just a year ago.
I didn’t really believe in love,
But, as I said before,
I prayed to the Lord above.
In that prayer, I included all of the same,
Telling him I loved him,
Thanking him for all,
What he has given to me,
Even when I fall.
Also what I already had,
And they added one last thing.
I asked him a question,
With all my heart and soul,
I love you much.
Is something I told
Could you please help me here,
I’ll give up all
If I could see two spheres
Right in front of me.
The spheres of beauty,
Which see all.
I want just two,
One to call
That someone special,
That someone bright.
As I wish as I may and as I might.
I wish someone here,
Next to me tonight.
You already have all,
With the ring in hand.
Can I give you a call,
With one last stand?
With this rose I thee wed,
That through wedlock,
I don’t hit the bed,
Too hard at least,
So I see red.
For rich or for poor,
In sick or in health,
Please be my wife.
It shall be a good thing,
To make us both happy.
And me, feel like a King.
Will you be my Queen?
Will you be my Juliet?
Can I be your King?
Can I be your Romeo?
Can I be your Love Master?
To them as they know me though.
In the last year I have learned a lot.
I thought I was a man,
And found out I’m a mouse.
Someday we’ll be rich and you’ll get to see my house.
But seriously,
I only want one thing to stand out,
I’ll love you forever,
Even if I pout.

To My Love

2009-06-16T18:44:00.001-07:00

I have lived,
Lived a long and dangerous life,
I have the scar to prove it,
Stupid,
Yes!
Stupid!
If I were to die,
this second,
I can’t say,
I’d regret my life,
It’s mine,
Maybe it was dangerous,
Maybe it was stupid,
But it is mine.
I’m lucky I’m still alive,
To talk about it.
One thing I’d regret,
Not being able to officially let go,
To say goodbye,
To say I love you,
One last time.
Poetry is the only way,
To express myself.
I live only day to day,
Even though it doesn’t show.
Everyday,
I’m thankful that some fool hasn’t smoked me,
If you know what I mean.
I haven’t even gotten married,
I want to share my love,
And show you how much love I have for you.
No child,
No children to carry on my name,
To make it easy in life.
To have a better life than I.
To be smarter than I.
I’m not afraid of much,
I haven’t backed down from a lot of situations,
It was stupid,
I’m still stupid, in that way.
If anything were to happen to me,
Anything at all,
Go on with your life,
I’m watching over you,
One thing I want you to know,
Is how much I care,
How much I adore,
How much I know,
How much I tell,
How I feel about,
Just how much I love you!
Now and always!
Time,
Yet goes faster,
I think about the time we shared together,
I get choked up,
Over half the time,
Passed,
Gone,
History,
I close my eyes,
Clear my throat,
Think about what we’ve done,
Think about what we’re going to do,
I want to see you,
Although I do,
Just not in front of me.
I said it before,
I’ll say it again,
And again,
And again,
And again.
It hurts so much,
I would never do it again.
But I can’t,
I love you too much.
I would be in sadness,
Gloomy.
I couldn’t do it to you,
I care too much about you.
You’re always on my mind,
All the time.
It’s a miracle I haven’t
Gone out of my mind.
I’m here for you,
Don’t ever,
Ever,
Forget that!
I must be crazy.
I go to bed every night,
And hold my pillow tight.
Wishing you were next to me.
Dreaming,
Dreaming of holding your hands,
Laying next to you,
Looking at you,
Looking into your eyes,
Your touch,
Kissing you,
Putty,
Melting in my arms,
I’ve been blessed.
God,
Put you here,
In my life,
And me in yours.
Everytime I’m with you,
I feel as if it’s a first date.
I love it.
It never gets boring.
Just being in your arms,
Or you in mine,
Is so relaxing.
I feel so comfortable around you.
I can tell you anything.
If what they say is correct,
You’ll treat her like you treat your mom,
Then not only are you my best friend,
I’d do anything for you.
I’d rather be with you,
Than with anybody else in the world.
P.S.
I adore you,
I care about you,
I understand you,
I can tell you anything,
I miss you,
I want to spend the rest of my life with you,
I Love You!

Flashbacks of Joy

2009-06-16T18:43:00.004-07:00

Time to go to a place that gave,
Gave me so many memories,
Visiting your parents,
It was fun,
Then Ron came over.
Dinner was great,
Conversation fine,
I had to go to the bathroom,
To blow my nose,
What else is new,
I saw your door,
No big thing.
On my way out,
I looked at your door,
Stopped,
Looked at the name tag,
Paused,
Almost to wait,
Wait for you to come out.
I wanted to go in and find you,
Sitting on your bed,
Talking on the phone.
I seem to wait for a couple of minutes,
Timeless,
Not realizing your at college.
Not knowing what day it was.
The waiting,
Standing in the bathroom,
Staring at your bedroom door.
Seemed like an eternity,
A lifetime in itself,
Staring,
Waiting,
Staring,
Waiting,
Staring,
Waiting,
Seem to go on forever,
I miss you,
You don’t know how bad I miss you,
You don’t know how hard it is.
Felt like I was dreaming,
Felt like I was in some movie,
Nobody came out,
Suddenly I snapped back to reality,
Almost broke up,
In 1000 tears,
Sat back at the table,
Went on through the night,
It’s hard without you here,
It’s not the same,
I miss you.
You don’t know how bad I miss you,
You don’t know how hard it is.
Felt like a bad dream,
Felt like a movie,
Driving home,
Flashbacks,
Flashbacks,
Remembering the last time I’d driven home at night,
From your house.
Remembering the last night I was with you,
I kept looking in the passengers seat,
Waiting to see you,
Picturing how you used to lay on the seat.
Trying not to break down,
But doing no good,
I miss you,
Don’t know how bad I miss you,
Don’t know how hard it is,
Feels like a bad dream,
Feels like a movie,
I’ve made it this far,
This long,
Not too long,
Not too long,
Think about you secondly,
more than daily,
More than hourly,
More than minutely,
All the time,
All the time,
All the time.

Happiness

2009-06-16T18:43:00.003-07:00

Happiness is sharing,
In everything I own,
Have,
It may bring others happiness,
Happiness in caring,
For others,
Who need,
Hope,
That I may give,
In love,
In words,
In deeds,
Happiness is knowing,
My day is over,
Done.
I try to bring happiness to everyone.
Many friends I have,
Who are kind?
Have gifts,
And give,
Never selfish,
Never greedy,
Never sparing loving care,
Always sharing,
Fortunes,
Prayers,
Always busy,
Helping others,
Forever kindness,
None rich,
Or too wise,
Only humble.
We can always find love,
With what we share,
We all show it in different ways.

Inner Change

2009-06-16T18:43:00.001-07:00

You’ve been away for quite some time,
Something you should know,
You’re always on my mind,
Dry your tears,
Erase your doubts,
You’ll be home soon,
I can’t wait to hold you tight,
And make sweet love to you,
Don’t you give up on me,
The love we share was meant to be,
And I can’t see myself with no one else,
But you,
So many nights,
I long to hold you,
Thinking about all the times I’ve told you,
You’re the only one for me,
Hold on,
So many nights I lay here all alone,
And I want to call all the time,
On the phone,
Can’t go one day without you on my mind,
Since we’ve been apart,
Things don’t seem the same,
No one compares to you,
My convictions at heart,
Knows what I feel,
I’ve never been so afraid,
That love is just a dream,
I wake up and you’re gone,
Never been here,
You’ve helped me,
Broken shyness,
Because of being so shy,
Thought I was going to be alone,
For life,
Thanks to you,
I’m not,
Did believe in love,
Not that way,
Didn’t think I’d ever be,
Ever fall in love.
Now,
Cause of you,
I believe in love,
It’s said,
Or thought,
If I say,
I would do anything for you,
To anybody,
Isn’t it demeaning to my own persona?
Not at all,
When it’s true love,
No rules apply,
You think you know it,
You’re wrong.
Speak the truth,
Trust and let go,
Then you know it’s true love,
Believe me,
I know.
Do anything for you,
I mean it,
Truly,
I wanna make your body scream,
Then you’ll know just what I mean.
Like to brag and boast,
You’ve made my dreams reality.
Won’t make you cry,
When you get back,
Let me kiss you down,
Maybe,
I’ll make you lose control,
Putty in my arms,
I miss you,
It’s been so long,
Since you’ve woken up next to me,
Wake up every morning,
Reach to pull you closer,
There’s nothing but the pillow,
I call you,
Just to hear your voice,
Can’t wait until you get home,
We’ll spend some time alone,
All my days are lonely,
Wishing you were around,
Want to feel your touch,
Just hold your body tight,
Next to me,
As I watch the rain fall,
Keep thinking of all the love we share,
Can’t wait until the moment comes,
When we’re in each other’s arms.

The Time After

2009-06-16T18:42:00.004-07:00

The more time goes by,
The closer it gets,
The worse I feel,
I tried to drown it,
You ask what it is,
Feelings,
Drown it,
By drinking,
It only made it worse,
I felt so much worse,
Sobered up,
All within 7 hours,
Thinking back,
About prom,
A tear runs down my face,
Look through the pictures,
Me in my tux,
You in your dress,
Both looked great,
Especially you,
Sexy.
The only word needed to describe,
Hear the noise from the restaurant,
Smell the food,
Saw the wave,
Remembering back,
Arriving at your house,
Not letting me in,
Well worth the wait,
Anticipation,
Nervousness,
Remembering the drive to the prom,
Feeling good,
The jokes,
The photographs,
Head held high,
Big head,
You were with me,
It made me feel good,
I can still hear the songs,
Never forget dancing,
Walking,
Talking,
Always remembered the last song,
Carrying you,
The house after,
Taking you home,
The drive,
The kiss goodbye,
Knowing that there would never be,
Another tonight,
Never forget,
Just being with you,
Loving you more than just one night,
Loving you forever.

Holiday Season

2009-06-16T18:42:00.003-07:00

Halloween is getting close,
The weather is changing,
It feels different,
Different than the rest of the year,
Soon Thanksgiving will be here,
The holiday season moves closer,
The wind will start to whip up,
The holiday season,
Is the best that can be offered,
Ever,
Can you feel the peace,
Can you feel the love,
They are both coming,
Feel them in the air,
Smell that wintry air,
Your family,
Your friends,
Your loved ones,
No grudges,
All will be healed,
Soon enough,
The love will be shared,
Giving not receiving,
To give,
Is the greatest feeling of all,
Knowing that you made someone’s day,
That you made someone happy,
Even if it’s the smallest of things,
The holiday season won’t last long,
But it is good,
It’ll be back soon,
God made this possible,
I thank God for all that he has given me,
He added the best memory to my holiday season,
All season,
Midnight mass,
After mass,
Christmas day,
Christmas night,
Four days later,
He put someone special in my life,
Thanks to him,
Thanks to him,
The holiday season will always be a trip to the past,
Along with a great time of year.

Can’t Go Back

2009-06-16T18:42:00.001-07:00

One month,
One week,
Eight months,
Nine months,
Ten month,
Eleven months,
Before long,
One year,
Together,
Can’t wait,
Time is my enemy,
But why,
It really isn’t,
Feels like it,
Look where it got me,
Time,
Gave me,
It gave me all,
Gave me everything I could ever want,
You,
A lasting relationship,
Can’t go back,
Don’t want to,
Can’t go back,
Not now,
Not now,
Brought you to me,
One year,
Flirtatious,
Me?
Yup!
Can’t go back,
Have too much,
Can’t go back,
Don’t want to,
Straight up menace,
That’s me,
Or at least I was,
You know my past,
Except for one,
Nobody knows that,
Nobody knows my past,
Except Cookie,
One,
No one knows it,
Not even you,
Ashamed,
The past is my guide,
To the future,
What not to do,
Thinking about you,
Everyday,
Every minute,
Every second,
Can’t go back,
Not now,
Can’t go back
Don’t want to,
Can’t go back,
Have too much,
Have too much to lose,
Can’t go back,
Not now,
Not now,
Not now,
Not later,
Not now,
You should be with me right now,
Time is fast,
Time is slow,
Days and weeks are past,
Months are slow,
Make me want the past,
Want to go back,
To our beginning,
To do it all,
To do it over,
Over,
Over,
Over,
Over,
Over,
And over,
And over again,
I loved it,
I loved to pop the question,
Would do it a million more times,
If it was just as fun,
I respect you,
I love you,
I love what you’re doing,
Smart,
Very smart,
Smarter than I,
I was never that smart,
Can’t go back,
Don’t want to,
Can’t go back,
Got too much,
Can’t go back,
Not now,
Can’t go back,
Don’t wanna,
Not now
Can’t go back,
Not now,
Not now,
Just not now,
Won’t go back,
Can’t go back,
Not now,
Not now,
Not now.
I see the hands of time,
Ticking by me every day,
While I feel your love,
Slipping away,
But if you fall,
I’m there to catch you,
How deep,
Just how deep,
Is your love,
Are you willing,
To go an extra mile,
You were my savior,
And got me out of deepest darkness,
Can’t go back,
Got too much,
Can’t go back,
Won’t go back,
Not now,
Not now,
Not now,
Not ever,
Never.
Look through my eyes,
At the world,
Everytime I see your face,
Walking hand in hand,
Through the sands of time,
As I peer into the past,
Foreign steps are scary,
Watching what is now,
And what is then,
There’s a fork in the road,
Of the future of your life,
Of the future of my life,
Which road shall we take?
Separate,
Or together,
Past and present,
It’s not easy,
Can’t go back,
Won’t go back,
Can’t,
Too much,
Not ever,
Not ever.

For You

2009-06-16T18:41:00.002-07:00

Too many ways to say 3 words,
Too many ways to say how I feel,
Too many ways to say what we have,
Too many ways to explain you,
You’re too good for me,
Every night I get down on my knees and pray,
That I have you to love,
And to love me back,
Loving you is so easy for me,
It’s like saying my A-B-C’s,
Or counting 1-10,
Nothing I’d rather do,
Then spend every moment with you.
I want to be your teddy bear,
Feel the need to love you all night long.
Don’t want to lose you,
I send my prayer,
Before I sleep at night,
So you’ll be all right,
Every morning I think of you,
Know what I’m going to do,
Just as soon as I’m back with you.
Over mountains,
Over trees,
Over water,
Across the desert,
In the whisper of the wind,
On the smile of all your friends,
I’ll be right there,
I’d give anything,
Or give up everything to be with you,
Think of me,
I’m right there,
I’m on your side,
Thousands of miles,
Travel,
Just to be with you,
A helpful hint,
Dry your eyes,
Please, keep your head up,
One more,
Just one more day without,
Another day without you,
When your here,
I breathe a little faster,
Don’t want to have to make it through
The day without you,
Just trying to hold onto something good,
I won’t hold on to never,
Not strong enough,
Why can’t you stay forever?
I still want to hold you close,
This is the place where you belong,
Right here in my arms.
Misery,
Agony,
Without you,
Come back home,
To me,
I’d get on my knees,
Please,
Only thing I need,
Is you,
Com back home,
Here in my arms.
You have given me,
The best of you,
And made my dreams come true.
Never thought love would be so good,
To me,
Until you came,
I treasure every second I spend with you,
No one does the things you do,
No one loves me like you do,
Do you need a friend?
If you get lost,
Call me,
And I’ll be there.
Can’t read the future,
But I wish I could,
Want to know if I’ll be with you,
Cause,
I do,
Want,
Want to be with you,
Not just the near future,
For life,
Want to be there for you,
When you fall,
Want to be there,
When you cry,
To comfort you,
Want to be there,
When you laugh,
Want to be there,
When no one else,
Want to be there.
When you’re mad,
Want to be there,
Just for you,
You,
Only you!
Just want to hold you tonight,
You’re the only one for me,
The thought of you,
Picks me up,
When I get lonely
I’m in heaven,
Whenever you’re near me,
When I touch you,
When you touch me,
When I hear you,
When you say,
I love you.
It’s all in the hands of fate,
I have a lifetime to share,
But only time will tell,
If it’s meant to be,
I think it is,
Do you?
Do I need to even ask?
Time and chance,
Will tell.

Missing

2009-06-16T18:41:00.001-07:00

As the days,
Weeks,
Go by,
It seems to speed by,
As time usually does,
Yet it crawls.
I hate it.
I despise it.
Know I’m not a normal man,
Sensitive,
I knew this.
Feel as if I’m too much so,
Often,
I lose my composer,
I break down,
In tears,
It hurts.
Missing everything about you,
Humor,
Laughter,
Beautiful smile,
Gorgeous brown eyes,
Curves,
Touch,
Kiss,
Scent,
Presence.
It hurts,
Make it stop!
Prayer helps,
For very little.
Every weekend without you,
Misses you more.
Time is the enemy.
Don’t feel as half the man,
I thought I was.
Pain,
Make it stop!
Please!
Make it stop!
Waiting for the day,
The day you come home,
I’ll be in your arms,
Never let you go,
Miss the Christmas dance,
Miss the North,
Visiting the retreat,
Miss Prom night,
I remember it like it was tonight,
Miss your dress,
Miss the waving octopus,
Miss the pictures,
Miss standing tall,
Cause your with me,
Miss the dinner at my house,
Miss the swimming pool,
At a friends,
Miss the cabin,
The fishing,
The driving,
Walking at Christopher Creek,
The smell of the beef cooking,
Miss the outdoors,
The pictures of scenery with us,
Climbing the cliff,
The dirty truck,
The lakes,
The rain,
Snacks,
Don’t know why,
Everytime a day goes by,
I feel more and more,
That I’m losing the most important thing in my life,
That I’m losing you.
Don’t know why.
Make it go away,
Make it stop,
Hurting,
Tearing me apart.
Make it stop!
I cry myself to sleep.
Make it stop!

Who?

2009-06-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

The feeling of helplessness,
Like a child,
When you’re not here.
I feel bad,
Then I pray,
I feel good,
I feel great,
Time passes my mind,
It feels as tranquil as
The nothingness of an empty mind.
Wanting,
Wanting as no one else has,
The hold,
Like in the mind of a guilty man,
Grasping onto the memories,
Of a past so joyful,
Trying,
Pray,
To set adrift on memory bliss of you.
Strange how my heart beats,
To find myself upon your shoulders,
Strange how I still feel,
My loss of comfort,
Gone before you.
Ocean waves wash over,
And drift away with dreams of childhood,
So time is stolen.
And so,
This is where I should be now,
This is inevitably my destiny,
My fate,
Soft blue horizons,
Blue of tranquillity,
Reach far into my adolescence,
As you rise,
To bring me forgotten ways.
I know of a dream,
I should be holding.
I know of a dream,
I am holding.
I’ll wait the signs to come,
I’ll find a way.
I’ll wait the time to come,
I’ll find a way.
My light is my strength,
My path is to your heart,
My guide is my heart.
who then,
Can warm my soul.
Who then,
Can warm my mind.
Who then,
Can quell my passion.
Who then,
Can quell my fire.
Feeling so close to you,
Feeling so far away.
And to think,
This wouldn’t last,
Me,
I came close to letting this train pass me by,
I didn’t cherish the blessing.
The lovely nights would have been tough.
I have her promise,
She’s gonna stay.
I’ve lost my way,
In the past,
But you seem to understand.
I’ve felt all messed up,
Jumped into my truck,
To clear my mind.
As soon as I’m on the road,
Those memories start to come back,
Along comes a song,
There you are again.
Thinking about you,
Gets me all choked up,
And I can’t stop thinking about you.
I’m always lonely in bed,
It never feels right,
I toss,
I turn,
Until morning light.
Just a thought,
First and last one is you,
It sends chills up,
It sends chills down,
Back again,
Around my spine.
Just to know you’ll be here real soon,
Makes everything all right.
when you come home,
I want that special night,
Start with candlelight,
Then spend the rest of the night,
In your arms.
You have a way,
about you,
And till death do us part,
Or maybe farther yet,
I belong to you.
Now,
Is the hour of my discontented heart,
Only you can make it better.
I’m drowning in my tears,
So deep,
Cause we’re so far apart.
Hope you know,
I’ll do anything for you.
Couldn’t imagine your face without a smile.
But only three words stand,
Above the rest,
P.S.
I love you!
Even if I have a broken heart,
I will still love you.
Strange how life works,
To find myself standing here.
Strange how it ain’t easy,
To find myself being this good.
Cause gifts God gave me.
Strange how I can imagine you,
To find that you are a world away.
Strange how people die unto themselves,
To find they are really for the sake of others.
Strange how a person thinks as an adult,
To find that they are just a child.
Strange how a person thinks as a child,
To find that they are still an adult.
Strange how love has no barriers,
To find that love can’t be put into words.
Strange how some music is so very comforting,
To find that it brings me joy.
Who then,
Can warm my soul.
Who then,
Can warm my mind.
Who then,
Can quell my passion.
Who then,
Can quell my fire.
Who then,
Can explain my feelings.
Who then,
Can explain my love.
Who then,
Can feel my love.
Who then,
Can?
Who then,
Can feel what I feel.
Who then,
Can love as I.
Who then,
Can?
No one,
Can.
Except me,
Who then,
Can feel my own love,
Only one,
From the depth,
Of the deepest,
Strongest,
Wildest,
Sea of Love,
To the highest,
Of which is higher,
Than the heavens above,
Who then,
Can?
Who then,
Can feel my own love,
Who then,
Can?
Only one!
Only one!
Is it me or just imagination?
At night,
I toss,
I turn,
Is it me,
Or is it imagination?
Is God really watching us?
Is it me,
Or is it imagination of the world?
Is there harmony,
Or is it my imagination?
Please give me time to care,
What else can I say to you?
I can’t lie to you,
I’m just too weak to do that,
You’ve given me so many reasons,
To fall,
Fall in love,
With you.
When I feel all faith is gone,
I fight myself to carry on.
Because of you,
Too much love,
Too much time,
All I have,
You.
All I love,
Fear of rejection,
Feeling alone,
Fear of being alone,
Fear of not loving,
Fear of not being loved.
Who then,
Can warm my soul.
Who then,
Can warm my mind.
Who then,
Can quell my passion.
Who then,
Can quell my fire.
Who then,
Can explain my feelings.
Who then,
Can explain my love.
Who then,
Can feel my love.
Who then,
Can?
Who then,
Can feel what I feel.
Who then,
Can love as I.
Who then,
Can?
Who then?
NO one!
No one can!
Who then,
Can feel my own love.
Well,
Maybe one.
Who then,
Can?
Who then?
Who?
Who then,
Can?
Only one!
Only one!
Only one!
ONLY ONE!

The Road

2009-06-13T16:02:00.004-07:00

In the beginning,
I was not paying attention,
But I should have,
I wish I did.
At that time,
I wanted not only to be involved,
But wanted a long relationship,
A healthy one,
A strong one,
One that would survive the thick,
Survive the thin.

A birthday is coming,
With it a surprise party,
Someone we both know,
Wow,
I was in awe,
Mouth dropped,
I was infatuated,
Very interested,
We talked as if we knew each,
One of my friends was also the same,
She gave me a back rub,
Oh, I enjoyed it so,
Not because it was a backrub,
It was her giving it,
When I found out the friend liked her so,
I decided to let all go,
But, One little piece inside me,
Which said,
You want to know what she’s about,
So stop and think,
Stop that pout,
I went inside,
To listen on,
Put on a slow,
Depressing,
Song,
She came in,
So suddenly,
And me a smile,
Came with glee.

Still time went by,
I saw her more,
At church,
At Life’s, open door,
The friend moved on,
He decided to date.

I was going to get to know,
Oh, how bad,
Oh, how so,
Oh, I wanted to know,
How she works,
How she feels.

I woke up at a friends,
It was time to leave,
While two friends kissed,
I said good-bye,
I knew that I would miss,
That smiling face,
Those beautiful eyes,
I wanted to kiss her,
So very bad,
I left it at that,
None I had.

Suddenly I became,
A flirtatious stud,
I wouldn’t stop,
This was great,
This was fun,
How I hoped,
She was the one,
Oh, how I prayed,
Oh, how I pleaded,
Please say yes,
Please, please, please,
Star light,
Star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
I wish this wish,
Come true tonight.
God helped me,
He gave me the courage.

Although I wished she said no,
I have no regrets,
Cause its almost time for her to go,
Now back to the story I have so gallantly told,
We said what’s next,
And left it to hang,
I’m not going to stop her,
Her not me,
Since she’s been gone,
I’ve realized,
Just how much,
I love her.
Put all emotions aside for a sec,
I may date in order to keep sane,
But not of total will,
I will wait,
For the one,
Intended for me,
And I know now,
The one,
Is she.
I would,
And will,
Wait.
I’d wait 20 lifetimes,
Cross 1000 seas,
Climb the highest mountain,
And give up basketball,
Just for you,
If I had to.

Untitled

2009-06-13T16:02:00.003-07:00

When will I see you again?
When will my heart beat again?
No need to ask me,
If there’ll come a time,
When I’ll grow tired of you.
Never ever,
Ever,
Don’t fear that I’ll change my mind,
It’ll never happen,
I decided to make a commitment,
That’s more than one guy can do.
It takes more than a guy to commit,
It takes a man,
Am I man enough for you?
I think so.
There is never a minute,
I don’t think about you,
About your love for me,
About my love for you,
That’s when I fall deeper in love with you,
Why is life so hard,
Even when it’s so good,
When I called on you,
I didn’t do it to make you sad,
Just support,
One of my best friends is in trouble,
I feel like I’m not doing any good,
Feel as if I failed,
Someone there to just tell me,
Tell me,
You’ve done your best,
Fear,
Fear of failure,
Fear of failure with you,
Fear of failure with friends,
Why can’t I do anything,
I cry,
I cry for help,
Why does it hurt so bad,
Nothing I can do,
But it feels like I can,
It feels as if I’m failing him,
Please don’t get down,
Please don’t feel bad,
Just comfort me.
Why does it hurt?
If I’m failing with him,
Am I with you?
If I am,
Would you tell me?
I need to know,
I need to know if I’m doing wrong,
You bring me life,
I feel alive,
No matter what I do,
Because of you.
Just tell me you’re here,
Tell me you’ll never let me go,
Tell me you love me,
And I’m happy.

Untitled

2009-06-13T16:02:00.001-07:00

Close your eyes,
Make a wish,
Anything you want,
I will give you,
The love of your life,
I have so much I want to do,
So much I have to do,
I’ll always try to do what’s right,
But it seems impossible,
There are lots of times,
I do what’s in my heart,
What I truly want to,
Always the best,
Just for you,
Call me a wimp,
Call me whipped,
I don’t care,
Just don’t care,
What others think.
One thing,
One thing alone,
Stands above all,
You!
Nothing else matters,
But, you.
Never say good-bye,
That’s the only thing I leave,
Good advice,
Even from a poet,
Even from a D.J.,
Even from the one who loves you,
Even from,
Me.
Never say good-bye,
Never say those words,
Not to anybody,
Not those words.
Look into my eyes,
What do you see?
Yeah, you know,
You see yourself,
That’s not just a reflection,
It shows the biggest part of my life,
The one I love the most,
More than anything,
More than anyone,
More than myself.

Because I Love You

2009-06-13T16:01:00.006-07:00

Without you,
I feel so worthless,
It’s been 12 hours since you’ve been gone,
And that’s too long so come back home,
I can’t live without you,
Emotionally drained,
Thought my eyes were dry,
Then I think of you,
So much for that theory.
I feel that,
I could have spent more time with you,
All that time I was at home,
I could have made time,
I could have been with you,
What I wouldn’t give,
What I wouldn’t do,
To have one more day, hour,
To have time more minutes with you,
The message you left,
Felt so good,
Yet so bad,
To hear your voice,
So comforting,
I’d do anything to feel the touch of your hand.
Church was almost impossible,
I would just remember the times we had.
The two and a half weeks,
Seemed like a lifetime,
Though they went so fast,
I cherished them,
I would do anything for you,
Everytime I do something,
It’s just for you,
Lately I will cry for you.
When your not here,
I can’t even smile,
Can’t think without you,
My mind is always with you,
Only do I smile,
Very small,
When I think about marrying you,
It’s not the same when you’re not here,
Someone is keeping an eye on me,
Yes, you know who she is,
You told her to,
I don’t care what it takes,
If I have to travel the world,
Change my career,
I still want you,
For my wife.
I want to hold you,
You to hold me,
I don’t want to let you go,
This last little time has brought me closer to you,
I said it before,
And I’ll say it again,
If you find someone,
Who treats you better than I,
Don’t be afraid to break my heart,
You are a very special person,
You deserve someone who is good to you,
And if that time shall come,
I’ll understand,
I’ve decided,
I won’t date,
Cause I’m waiting for you,
But I’m not stopping you,
Because,
I love you!

Unconditional Love

2009-06-13T16:01:00.005-07:00

I need a little time away,
With I’d say,
From each other,
I needed space,
But I held on,
Never said anything,
And I’m sorry,
Hid my feelings,
From you,
Hoping it would pass,
Hold me now,
I just want to say sorry,
Want to make it up to you,
You also got me back,
I loved you then,
I love you even more now,
You drew my love to you,
You,
You brought out feelings,
Feelings of Love never felt,
I love this feeling you’ve given me,
Afraid of losing you,
Afraid of losing this,
Feeling,
You give me,
Will you still love me for the rest of our lives,
Just say you will,
I can’t lose,
You.

The Trip

2009-06-13T16:01:00.003-07:00

California,
What a wonderful place,
On the road,
In charge of one,
Two buses off.
Even adrenaline can’t keep me going,
But something might,
Passed by the pen,
Behind,
Why?
Twenty minutes can’t be made up,
I wish she was here,
It’s almost lonely,
But not quite,
I called her,
But no answer,
I called her,
She’s not there,
I called,
No answer,
We called again,
No answer,
Maybe the wrong member,
One last time,
She not there,
I’ll just wait to see her.

The Road

2009-06-13T16:01:00.001-07:00

In the beginning,
I was not paying attention,
But I should have,
I wish I did,
At that time,
I wanted not only to be involved,
But wanted a long relationship.
A healthy one,
A strong one,
One that would survive the thick,
Survive the thin.

A birthday is coming,
With it a surprise party,
Someone we both know,
Wow,
I was in awe,
Mouth dropped,
I was infatuated,
Very interested,
We talked as if we knew each,
One of my friends was also the same,
She gave me a back rub,
Oh I enjoyed it so,
Not because it was a back rub,
It was her giving it.
I found out the friend liked her so,
I decided to let all go,
But,
One little piece inside me,
Which said,
You want to know what she’s about,
So stop and think,
Stop that pout,
I went inside,
To listen on,
Put on a slow,
Depressing
Song,
She came in,
So suddenly,
And me a smile,
Came with glee.
Still time went by,
I saw her more,
At church,
At Life’s open door,
The friend moved on,
He decided to date.
I was going to get to know,
Oh, how bad,
Oh, how so,
Oh, I wanted to know,
How she works.
How she feels.

I woke up at a friends house,
It was time to leave,
While two friends kissed,
I said good-bye,
I knew that I would miss,
That smiling face,
Those beautiful eyes,
I wanted to kiss her,
So very bad,
I left it at that,
None I had.
Suddenly I became,
A flirtatious stud,
I wouldn’t stop,
This was great,
This was fun,
How I hoped,
She was the one,
Oh, how I prayed,
Oh, how I pleaded,
Please say yes,
Please, please, please,
God helped me,
He gave me the courage.
I kept up,
It still looked good,
I asked her out,
She said,
Yes!

Although I wished she said no,
Cause it’s almost time for her to go,
Now back to the story I gallantly told,
We said what’s next,
And left it to hang,
I’m not going to stop her,
Her not me,
Since she’s been gone,
I’ve realized,
Just how much,
I love her,
Put all emotions aside for a sec,
I may date to keep sane,
But not of total will,
I will wait,
For the one,
For me,
And I know now,
The one,
Is she.
I would,
And will,
Wait,
I’d wait 20 lifetimes for you,
If I had to.

Future of Curiousness

2009-06-13T16:00:00.001-07:00

With the love on an eager man,
Waiting to get married,
He knows only one thing,
Nothing can take this love away.
He feels as if he can fly like an eagle,
Yet so jitterful
He knows not of what yet to come.
A body of love so scared,
Some fear,
A fear,
The fear,
Of losing what he cares for more than life.
I know,
He is I,
I am him,
The man with a hat,
Only two things to live for,
One is his family and friends,
The other his love,
Hoping not of a broken heart,
I see a man in the darkness,
In a distance,
In the future,
I seem to want to stop walking,
For some reason,
Or another,
I’ll just sit,
Why should I keep going towards the man,
I feel like I have barely gotten anywhere,
Nor desire to go farther,
I don’t want to know who the man is,
All I have left is you holding my heart.

Straight From My Heart

2009-06-11T17:03:00.003-07:00

When I close my eyes,
I see only one,
Like a rose,
You,
But the thought of losing you is so frightening,
One as cute,
Then up one,
Beautiful,
Two in one day,
Gorgeous.
When I see those brown eyes,
It reminds me of how beautiful you are on the inside
As well as outside.
I ant to be the one you need.
Not only my girlfriend,
My friend,
My best friend,
But more.
I am sending this rose,
Straight from the heart.
It’s a token of my love,
Just a small piece,
Of this love I have for you.
When you look in my eyes,
Do you see what you mean to me?
Look into my heart,
Can you see it?
Don’t look to me for my heart,
You are holding it,
Here and now,
Unconditionally.
I love to see you smile,
It’s more than cute.
It’s beautiful.
You’re always on my mind.
You comfort me
With your presence.
I’m happy to have you standing right by my side.
The first time,
I saw your face,
I knew I had to have you.
I wanted to hold you,
With my warm embrace.
All my love is for you,
Straight from my heart. What do you need?
what do you want?
If you want,
I will do.
If it’s a fantasy,
Don’t wake me.
If there is a tear in your eyes,
Hide it well,
Hide them well,
Unless they are tears of joy.
Then let me comfort you.
Just relax.
Look at me,
Can’t you see,
What you mean to me.
No matter what happens tomorrow,
I’m looking at today.
I know sometimes,
I take things for granted,
And it may even seem,
That I don’t care.
I try to tell you how I feel,
But words don’t come out right.
This is my time,
This is my way,
To show,
To tell,
To let you know,
Just how I feel,
About you.
To say,
I love you,
Straight from my heart.

The Special Time

2009-06-11T17:03:00.001-07:00

Problems come,
Problems go,
They never reoccur.
I pray,
Pray,
Pray,
And still pray,
But nothing happens.
I do for him,
But he doesn’t do for me.
I don’t love,
Just hurt.
Pain.
A dying rose.
A wilting flower.
The death of a bud.
No simplicity,
Life,
Only complex.
I weigh less than a shadow.
When I close my eyes,
All I see are visions of her.
Laughter in the air,
Playing games,
That’s the way it should be.
I know I don’t take love for granted,
It’s a gift.
A special gift.
Like a rose,
A rose that I see.
This rose is a token of my love,
That comes from my heart,
My mind,
My soul.
My whole being.
I’m to tell her how I feel,
The words just don’t come out.
I freeze.
I can’t seem to find her though,
She’s in my dreams.
She’s my perfect match.
Have you seen her?
I need help.
I pray,
Still pray,
For God to put someone special in my life.
Winter rolls around,
Christmas grows closer.
All I want is that special one.

The Song

2009-06-11T17:02:00.005-07:00

Faithfully,
I must pledge,
I have the flame inside,
It won’t die,
Even after the dance,
So hold on to the night,
To the end of the road,
For I will be with you,
Even if it rains down,
I still believe in you,
Lately, I’ve had the strangest feeling,
I pray,
Lord I’ve come,
I’m here, for you,
And if I ever fall in love,
Make my chances better,
I know now,
That’s what love is all about,
That’s why everything I do,
I do it just for you,
I pledge this here and now,
Somewhere in my broken heart,
I will never say good-bye,
To this love of a lifetime,
I want the rain to stop,
Can you stop the rain from falling,
I’d give anything to see the sun again,
Only one last cry,
In these eyes,
You know you have it,
Hold on my heart.

Lust or Love?

2009-06-11T17:02:00.003-07:00

Questions constantly arouse my inner thoughts,
As many times before,
I lie thinking,
Wondering,
Yet what I wonder,
I already know,
I am still in awe,
And yet I still wonder,
Do you feel, as I,
Are your feelings as strong as mine,
Do you think about me,
If, perhaps, as much as I think about you,
I want to know,
Is this feeling I feel, for real,
Do you feel it too,
Is this the way love goes,
Do I really feel love,
Or is it you,
Your unavoidable desirable attractiveness,
You have the face of a beauty queen,
And the body of a goddess,
It is all of thee,
But is it Love.
I love the way she laughs,
Her beautiful smile,
Her soft voice,
It can’t be lust,
Why else would I wait this long,
It has to be love,
But is it?

Untitled

2009-06-11T17:02:00.001-07:00

A light never seen before,
Shines deep within,
I am blinded with light,
I am burned with heat,
But, I love it,
It may be sick,
But I really love it,
I won’t let go,
It’s here,
I talk to her,
She talks to me,
I still burn inside,
And I won’t let go,
She comes to me,
Not me to her,
I love it,
Yes, I love it,
I can’t say good-bye,
But, yet, still do,
Out of love for her,
I let go,
I tell her so,
I let her go her way,
Knowing she can’t stay,
I let go,
Unhappy as it may seem,
I feel a sudden peace,
I will lie in peace,
And wait,
But remember,
I must wait,
I must be in peace,
I must let go,
I must tell her so,
I’m here with nothing left.

The One

2009-06-11T17:01:00.002-07:00

Constant feelings of lustful wonder,
With eyes of love,
Ramparts of shyness breaking down,
Miles of stepping stones,
Created by the crumbled debris,
I constantly try to find knowledge to the heart
But yet finding nothing but illusion,
And yet, still, the confusion overcomes my thoughts,
I look up in wonder,
And see the stars that shine.
A peaceful calm, fills the beauty of the night air,
I hear the squealing in the wind,
It tells me what the future has in store,
Yet I don’t hear it,
As I glance at the past,
I see the future coming fast,
Coming fast,
Coming as fast as the night,
Yet as slow, as the seasons pass,
A sound decision has taken its toll,
Waiting with the conviction in my heart,
And I walk in assurance in this faithful wait,
She’s an inspiration unto myself,
My dreams refuse to be shattered,
My heart, the same, be broken,
The Love I have, yet, stronger than my faith,
Now I sit all alone,
No more tears,
I won’t let go,
I can’t, this time,
I can’t put her out of my mind.
The sun shines on her,
I still need love to rain on me,
I want to cry,
But no more tears, left in these eyes,
I want her to be happy,
To have fun,
Just remember I’m here,
But you’re the one.

Men

2009-06-11T17:01:00.001-07:00

If I say you’re beautiful,
I want it,
If I try to kiss you,
You push me away,
If I try to solve it,
You cry,
If I sympathize,
You weep more deep,
If I commit,
I won’t continue,
If I buy a rose,
It will stop,
If I say “I love you”,
I lie with deceit,
You say you want to be free,
I let go,
I say I’m here,
You cry,
If I look,
I’m a pig,
If you want,
I will do,
“As you wish”.

Untitled

2009-06-10T19:58:00.006-07:00

The world is full of so many things
Sweet smell of love in the air,
The question is,
Does anybody care?
A hidden heart,
Hidden so deep,
Much like underwear.
Nothing else matter.
These aren’t words I just say,
Words can not express emotions,
Not the way they should,
Never felt this way,
Never opened my heart before.
Do I have to say those three words?
One, four, three,
Twenty four, seven,
They don’t explain it,
For the days of today,
Will come and go,
Why so fast,
No one knows.
I know I {made} mistakes in the past,
But don’t want this to go fast,
I love the minutes,
Hours,
Days,
We’ve spent together.
It seems I hardly spend time with you,
But I do.
Don’t care what people say,
Don’t care what they do,
All I know is one thing,
That one thing is true,
I have to say,
I love you.

Untitled

2009-06-10T19:58:00.005-07:00

Lord happeneth to me not,
Now,
In time of need.
I need you,
In my life,
A huge way,
I’m fighting a losing battle,
For life,
For love,
For friendship,
For responsibility.
I want so much,
Yet feel as if I’m slipping,
Slipping away to the depths of hell.
I want to cry,
I need to cry,
To let go of pain and sorrow.
I want the past,
But only see future.
Overcome my body,
Overcome my mind,
Overcome my soul,
I need you now,
More than ever,
In an effort to survive.
The biggest battle yet to come,
I await in eager desire,
Cause I feel your presence.
I can’t do it alone,
My convictions at heart,
Tell me you won’t let me stand alone,
I will fight this battle,
With everything I have.
I won’t give up,
Till the fight is won.
If death becomes,
So be it,
But I will put my best foot forward,
I won’t give up,
I can’t do it alone.
I can’t survive this alone.
Hail Mary,
I need you with me,
I need you by my side.
I can’t do it alone,
I beg for help,
I beg for mercy.
I love you.
Mary help me,
Help Jesus help me.
The friends I have,
The group that was,
The love I have,
All seems lost.
Without this I will die upon my own cross.
I’ve almost crucified myself.
I need a jump in faith.
But I won’t give up,
I can’t do it alone, I need some help.
As they say in the bible,
Ecclesiastics 9:11,
I came and saw under the sun,
That the race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
Nor the bread to the wise,
Nor the riches to men of understanding,
Nor yet favor to men of skill,
But time and chance happeneth to all.

Untitled

2009-06-10T19:58:00.003-07:00

Heart of mine,
I’ve never been in Love,
I think she might be the one
The Lady for me
I hope she feels the same,
She’s always on my mind
Come feel my nights, my days,
I want to be yours,
I long to be forever yours,
Every night I go to sleep,
I want you laying next to me,
I need you by my side,
To comfort me,
I’m on my hands and knees,
Show me the way to your heart,
How, what, when, where, can we start,
Don’t make me wait forever
I’ll be right there,
Whenever you call me,
I’ll be there,
Everybody needs a love they can count on,
I’m the kind of man,
Who needs to know exactly where I stand,
Far too many nights.
I’m in need of a little love,
And it’s you I’m thinking of,
I want to hear you say,
You’d be mine for always,
What could I do without you,
There will never come a day,
You’ll hear me say,
I want and need to be without you,
I want to give my all.
Hold me,
Simply control me,
When I look in your eyes,
I realize,
All I need is you,
I’ve never felt this way,
Never felt so good,
How it takes my breath,
Starts a burning in my chest,
Makes me weak,
When I think about you,
I see you standing all alone,
In the moonlight,
Wishing as I may and I might,
I want to please you,
I want you,
More than you know,
Let me get to know you,
I’m helpless against your touch,
I’m defenseless,
I know if I hold you,
My temperature will rise,
I want you to come to me,
And make loneliness our enemy,
Words can’t express,
How I’m burning up deep inside,
I took one look,
Then I knew it was a feeling,
I wouldn’t fight,
Make togetherness our destiny,
At the start I thought it was too good to be true,
But now I know that all along,
It should be me and you.
Can’t you hear me calling your name,
I can’t go on this way,
Will I make it another day
I’ve been waiting here for you to answer my call,
Can you see me,
I’m down on my knees,
I’m alone,
Am I destined to be what I’ve been,
Never a thick,
And hardly a thin,
Where do I fit in.
I have waited for a chance,
When I could spend some time with you,
And I still wait,
I’m still here,
For you.

Untitled

2009-06-10T19:58:00.001-07:00

Emptiness is all that is known,
Known by my heart,
Felt by my heart,
Left helpless,
Caught up in something unknown to others,
Relentless to an extreme,
Soaked in absolutely nothing,
Drenching in pain,
Drowning in my own blood,
Nothing to look forward too,
The perfume of death in the air,
Anticipating when, or if past will come back.
Past is too far to be future,
One kiss can’t be returned,
I feel as left as a good-bye,
But will I meet a see you later,
Illusion is all I see,
No glimpse of a smile,
No presents of a laugh,
Tears of fears,
Crying of uncertainty,
Do I see eyes blue,
Or skies gray,
Promises of past,
They become part of the present,
Maybe even future,
No one found,
Not a blame given,
I miss,
Forgiveness for what is not yet forgotten,
I do,
Need you,
Here,
Now,
Eyes show most of the same,
Close is dangerous,
I will no longer look,
But only see,
I need so much,
Or is it just want,
Wish,
Something impossible,
Like faithfulness,
I believe,
Nothing else matters.

Untitled

2009-06-10T19:57:00.005-07:00

I know it’s over,
Though my blood burns ecstasy,
For all I still love you,
And forever will it be.
I once saw in your eyes,
What I thought must be love,
But they were full of lies.
On the wings of a dove,
To the heaven above, it will fly,
My heart it’s passenger,
And once there it will die.
And, God will send a messenger,
And on my stone he’ll write:
Here lies love
Born of passion
Born of flame
He wished it was Love
But it was only a game.
On ivory it will be carved,
It will be a wondrous sight
And below it, a rose starved,
For life and for love
Just like he who’s name’s above.

The Passing Present

2009-06-10T19:57:00.003-07:00

History keeps passing by,
I’m passing by as I speak,
World Youth Day ‘93,
History in the making,
I pass it,
Still realizing,
I’ll never be able to,
Make it up again,
Change it,
Be a part of it,
I think,
Think,
Think,
Wondering where they are right now,
Thinking about where they started,
As I said good-bye’s,
Or see you later’s,
Thinking of where they will be in a couple of hours,
The Pope,
I can’t go back,
It can’t be avoided,
What I wouldn’t give to go back,
And decide I want to go,
What happens at the break of dawn?
The need to forget,
Forget about what I’m missing,
The thoughts of losing,
Always is on my mind,
I have so many wishes,
So many wants,
So many dreams,
I stand in the mirror,
I say there is a reason for me,
Why I’m here,
Now I look into my own eyes,
And see no hope,
Hope for the future,
Hope to change things,
Hope mostly to make history,
Five hours already pass,
I wish I was there,
But I’m here,
I have no explanation,
No reason,
I have a problem.

The Passing Past

2009-06-10T19:57:00.001-07:00

It past,
Its passing soon, too,
I missed out,
In something I’ll never be able to forget,
Regret is in my heart and mind,
I missed a chance that will never again,
I soon will miss the chance of life,
If I don’t miss the second chance,
I could make up for the first,
But I will,
I was naive,
Something I can’t help,
I regret all,
All I have done and not done,
I wanted to meet them,
But missed the chance,
Chance will happen again,
But I will miss it,
There has never been a time,
Where I wanted something more,
If I recall this feeling,
I may think of death,
In fact, death,
Death will take me away
From this want & need depth of hell.
I’ll never get the chance again,
I want it,
I do,
I really do,
I can’t help but think,
Think of things I won’t be able to do,
I don’t take enough care,
The kind that needs to be done,
Now!
Do what you can,
If you do,
If you take advantage of opportunities,
Regret leaves,
I mean it never sees you,
Can you stop the rain,
This rain of regret is killing me,
I’d give anything to go back,
To change this,
To see the sun again.
I’ve been hurt,
By myself,
Something never thought could be done,
I feel like a candle in the cold rain,
Trying to stay lit,
Yet wanting to stay lit,
Only for small reasons alone,
I need some time on my own,
I need some time all alone,
I can’t keep an open heart,
It’s been hurt,
I’m my own worst enemy,
I’m my own enemy,
I can’t stand it,
Or would rather not,
I just want to leave my body,
As if my soul, mind, or heart wasn’t there,
The only blame is on myself,
Nothing last forever,
Not even memories,
I need a friend right now,
I am crying,
I have to hold on to the past,
To my mistakes,
My tears can not stop,
They run down my face,
Running like a slow,
Painful,
Sorrowful,
Shower.
I need a place to run to,
I need a friend to cry on,
I need to be aware,
I need to take better care,
I need to take advantage of the opportunities,
My biggest dream couldn’t save me now,
I need to live life to the fullest,
I need to treat each day like it’s my last.

My Dream

2009-06-10T19:56:00.004-07:00

It was a long time ago.
I have almost forgotten my dream,
But it was there then,
Right in front of me,
Bright like the sun,
My dream.
In front of me my dream is fading,
A wall comes up slowly,
Slowly,
I am slowly covered like the ground is by a cloud,
I lie down in the shadow,
No longer the light of my dream before me,
Above me,
Around me.
Only a thick wall stops me.
I want my hands to break through the wall,
Break through to help me to shatter this darkness,
To smash this night, to break this shadow,
Into a thousand lights of sun.

Why?

2009-06-10T19:56:00.003-07:00

Why do I wonder?
Why can’t you sleep?
Why does this happen?
Why are things bad?
Why love?
Why sex?
Why relationships?
Why drugs?
Why do people hurt themselves like that?
Why do people hurt each other?
Why winners?
Why losers?
Why do I hate thinking?
Why do I want to hurt others?
Why aren’t we colorless?
Why time?
Why smart?
Why dumb?
Why fast?
Why slow?
Why good?
Why bad?
Why July?
Why them?
Why sports?
Why laughter?
Why sadness?
Why can’t I?
Why not me?
Why us?
Why money?
Why greed?
Why materialistic minds?
Why homeless?
Why beautiful?
Why ugly?
Why does so much go on?
Why friends?
Why pain?
Why sorrow?
Why do people come and go?
Why religion?
Why life?
Why death?
Why communicate?
Why do I express myself in so many words?
Why God?
Why the name “Deth Ro”?
Why noise?
Why music?
Why sleep?
Why countries?
Why radio?
Why television?
Why are we so different?
Why kissing?
Why is love blind?
Why the past?
Why the present?
Why the future?
Why do I still have one day left?
Why change?
Why do we fear change?
Why don’t we live life to the fullest?
Why can’t we help each other?
Why sin?
Why is 18 the age of adulthood?
Why are our jails and prisons full?
Why do males hurt females?
Why are people almost always late?
Why do I ponder?
Why do we do and act like we do?
Why are we all different?
Why do we travel?
Why do we have to eat?
Why are there limits?
Why are limits limited?
Why homosexuals?
Why bisexuals?
Why are deep thoughts deeper than deep?
Why do we have names for colors?
Why do we have names for races?
Why aren’t you bored yet?
Why are you still reading this?
Why can’t you just stop?
Why can’t I just stop?
Why don’t I just finish?
Why can’t I end this?

My Heart

2009-06-10T19:56:00.001-07:00

Counting, as it seems to go on forever,
The days seem shorter,
The nights even more,
Time goes by,
Yet so much has gone,
but still days grow shorter,
And it still feels like a never ending Journey.
The road,
No matter how short,
It goes on as far as the eye can see,
I want something more than ever,
I yearn for something never yearned,
I mourn in eager desire that has never been felt,
This world is driving me to hell,
I want what I can’t have,
They always say good things come to those who wait,
I can’t!
I can,
But must have a better wait,
It’s a torturing of my mind,
I’m no longer comforted,
I have nightmares,
Life is a huge nightmare,
But bigger than that,
Nightmares about her
No,
I cry,
NO!
I yell,
I want to wake up,
Then suddenly,
I wake in happiness,
It’s not real,
She keeps me going,
I want to see her,
But she’s not here,
I want to know her better,
But forbidden,
Forbidden of what is natural in life,
When I hope it will not be like this,
Why is life so cruel?
I have to learn,
Over and over again,
That’s that,
This is this,
That’s the way it is,
But why?
I don’t know,
But why?
No one knows,
But why?!
No one can explain,
I wonder,
When will I see myself smile again?
I may see the mask,
I need to see the real me,
On the inside,
I have only dreams,
I must believe,
And follow them,
I no longer have a place to run to,
When I’m in need,
Need of a friend,
Why do things end?
How do things begin?
Why did this happen to me?
Why is this happening to me?
I can’t hold onto the past,
I can’t look back,
I wish you were here with me,
I can see you,
You hardly leave my mind,
Cruel isn’t it.
Something out there is cruel,
Waiting to see me bleed,
But for some strange reason,
I think it’s my heart,
My heart?
I’m following my heart,
My heart leads,
It leads me to so many places,
Sometimes I wonder,
If I let my heart lead to the extent
Of running my life.
I follow my heart,
My feelings,
My dreams,
More than most,
And more than I should,
Right now I can’t be alone,
I think more than I should,
It leads me to be discouraged,
Well, how can you be discouraged,
When you don’t have any courage?
I have none,
No courage,
No confidence,
No guts,
I thing nothing but darkness,
The damp and cold darkness,
It fills my mind with so many negative thoughts,
We’re killing each other,
We’re a younger generation,
Having to deal with our families,
I hate pain,
I hold my feelings back,
My heart leads me to do this,
I’m afraid to being hurt,
No one can make it right,
Not even me,
The pain is really fear,
I need a hand,
Something,
Someone,
Somewhere,
Helping me,
I need someone as sensitive as me,
Someone to understand,
Understand me,
Understand my things,
Understand my ways,
Understand my life,
I want a love.
I don’t want a love.
Yes I do,
I want a love,
Fear of being hurt,
I’ll admit it,
I’m afraid,
Sometimes I feel as if I don’t belong here,
But I’m here for the Lord,
When I find a love,
We will be together forever,
Through all the hard times,
Till the end of time,
I don’t mean everything I say,
It’s just my heart taking me,
Leading me,
To where I want to be.

You

2009-06-10T19:55:00.004-07:00

Oh it’s here,
Confirmation time.
The time of year,
It just gets deeper,
People who care.
Do you know her?
Who?
Have you seen her?
Who?!
The red hair,
Beautiful eyes,
Sweet smile.
And the type,
Type you see the Lord shine through.
Someone inconceivable,
Staggering,
One word, deep.
Yes deep!
Deeper than any “Sea of Love”.
Depth in so many ways.
So countless.
Personality that’s more admirable than
The stars in which we sleep under,
A friend so understanding,
I must ask her,
Advice beyond advice
Secretive for your own good
A friend beyond a friend
Look deep into her eyes,
And you will see,
Just what she is about.
It shines through brighter,
Stronger than any light,
Than any star,
Than any sun.
Look into her heart,
You’ll find there’s nothing to hide.
People come, people go,
You look for those to be there,
She will.
That I know.
At the playground,
I used to play.
Not realizing that someday,
I still might have lots of friends.
No one will ever destroy her plans,
She’s determined to win.
I don’t know her mind,
but I might as well.
She’s like a rose.
So beautiful,
So colorful,
So caring to the world around,
Yet still stands tall,
Because her road will never end.

The Flame Inside

2009-06-10T19:55:00.003-07:00

A day,
A day when time doesn’t matter,
All is calm,
Reflections of a past,
But still thoughts of gaiety
Yet still danced in my head.
The sun,
Yet still so bright,
It shined,
Shined,
Something I wanted to do,
But can’t.
Not yet.
It shined as I slowly tan,
With a patient mind in reflection
Of what the future had to offer.
I still don’t want to burn,
I want to tan,
Dark.
I’d swear, I’ll live forever,
Live in complete joy,
Or die,
Die in complete pain,
Suffering,
Suffering of what?
I have no idea.
Not even a thought crosses my mind.
Yet I burn inside,
I’m not getting burned,
I burn,
Far brighter,
Far stronger,
And I still don’t know what’s to come.
I see a flame,
But that’s only me,
A me that is still trying,
Attempting to shine.

A Thought of Your Face

2009-06-10T19:55:00.001-07:00

A face so unbelievable,
But more than just a face,
Someone so unique,
One word.
Conspicuous.
Why?
Distinguished.
What?
But more than just a face,
Well endowed,
Smart,
Athletic,
Vivacious.
Hold on to my heart.
You already have it,
But don’t let go.
Don’t let go.
Even a mother could be wrong.
I’m waiting,
Waiting,
Waiting.
I must continue to wait.
Anticipating the day.
Hoping my distinct voice is heard.
Is it?
Is it really heard?
My sincere decision.
Nobody’s listening.
A sound decision,
And yet no one listens.
I yearn,
Yearn to be heard.
Not only by the world,
In which my sincere decision took over,
But by those in which it was meant.
A person was asked to find out.
Find, you, out.
I had to know,
I needed to know,
I wanted to know.
What was in your thoughts.
A secret was kept,
Kept so that I wouldn’t hurt.
But it hurt,
I bleed,
But it stopped bleeding,
After a thought.
What thought?
A thought of comfortness.
Warmth filled my soul,
As I thought,
Thought of many things,
A decision.
I’ll wait.
I’ll wait.
Just wait.
Wait with only the patience of a wise man.
All tranquil,
All silent,
All the time I want.
But I know that time is on my side,
So I’ll wait.
Just wait.
Wait.

Where the Why Begins and Ends

2009-06-10T19:54:00.004-07:00

When life was getting good,
It seems I left,
Left,
What did I leave?
I left
Just left.
Why?
Why a four leaf clover,
Why Deth Ro,
Why aren’t we colorless,
My feelings have again succeeded
In confusing me,
But I like the way it looks,
Distorted but beautiful.
I wonder if I’m dead,
I have no idea.
I sit upon my thoughts,
I’m thinking,
Thinking of absolutely nothing,
But my mind is wondering,
Thinking of so many things,
Yet, I’m still thinking of nothing,
My mood is yet like the color blue,
Always tranquil,
And yet I still bleed,
But why?
Questions constantly arrest my persona,
Whatever is whatever,
A phenomenon that consists of life and death,
I tear my own thoughts with my own
Sarcastically piercing blades.
Very distorted,
But I can’t avoid it.
Why is back,
Why?
Why are we killing each other,
Why, why, why?!
Someone has shown me the way,
I remember,
I left,
Left on a path of sitting,
I found something,
Found a goal,
But what is a goal,
Something up ahead,
It keeps me going,
Keeps me walking,
What is it?
Why is it?
How is it?
Some things keeps me pushing,
What?!
Back to why.
I don’t want it,
But more than anything,
I do.
It’s distorted,
But it’s beautiful
Damn beautiful.

Point of No Return

2009-06-10T19:54:00.003-07:00

Right now life is hard,
I’ve hit,
Hit something,
Maybe big maybe small,
It’s something big,
Cause I can’t go back,
Forward is the only way,
A long way,
A hard way,
An unknown way.
I keep looking both ways,
One way I see a big something,
That something is unstoppable.
The other way is eternal.
Eternity is so far,
So far,
So far, so much, with so little.
I want to go back through the big something,
But can’t beat it,
I want it,
But can’t have it.
I look the other way again,
As I look,
I can’t see,
There’s too much to see,
But I can’t push myself to go.
As I turn again,
Fear overcomes my body,
As I know there’s no chance,
But I’m stubborn,
I’m in total confusion,
Which way should I go?
Which way was meant for me to go?
Which way do I really want to go?
I’m stuck,
I’m afraid,
I’m confused.
I know what’s behind me,
I don’t know what’s ahead of me,
Now I’m trembling with fear,
For both ways are big.
One is a big something,
The other a big path in life.
I start on the path,
No turning back.
But I want to see it again,
I take a last look,
But no I look,
I stare,
I become obsessed,
I head back,
But I shouldn’t,
I don’t turn the other way,
Not a chance.
I reach the Big Something,
I can’t move it,
I know it,
There’s no way around it,
It’s hopeless,
I know it,
I sit in sorrow and despair,
I inspect it,
Hoping for a way,
I look,
I see now,
The Big Something is really,
A Big Nothing.
That nothing is The Point of No Return,
Where I will lie forever.

The Coming of Christ

2009-06-10T19:54:00.001-07:00

Once I came here to play,
But now I’m here to stay.
I’m going to lay down and hit the sack,
For I will begin a new life,
Without a love, or without my friends.
I must go on strong,
Strong,
But I know I won’t go wrong.
As we pull further and further
Towards the holidays,
The sky becomes gray,
The winds whip up,
And the love and peace in the air,
Will never be the same again.
For the Christmas holiday is the best to offer,
For your family, or for your friends,
Broken hearts will mend.
For the peace and love of the magic,
Of the holiday season has come.
Soon it will be gone.

Untitled

2009-06-10T19:53:00.001-07:00

Lord I’ve come
Back
Back to you

For you have taught me
And Lord I know I will continue to learn

For you have shown
Me I’ve grown
And Lord I know I will still grow

For you have shown me your love
And Lord I know my love is all for you.

For you have shown
Me the way
And Lord I know my life is just for you.

Our Love (revised)

2009-06-10T19:52:00.001-07:00

Just a month ago, I didn’t think I could ever love.
Before then I had been praying to the lord above.
I know now that dreams come true,
I can tell just by looking at you.
When I’m around you I feel as if I’m dreaming,
But I know it’s for real when I see your eyes gleaming.
I know sometimes I seem shy,
That’s why I look you straight in the eye,
And then I know just how beautiful you really are.
I made mistakes in the past,
But I want this time to last,
Forever.

Our Love

2009-06-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Just a month ago, I didn’t think
that I could ever love.
Before then I had been praying to the
Lord above.
I know now that dreams can come true,
just because I’m looking at you.
I haven’t known you for too long,
So I don’t want anything to go wrong.
When I’m around you I feel as if I’m dreaming,
But I know it’s for real ‘cause I see your eyes gleaming.
You know right now this love is for real,
‘Cause you’ve written me a poem that is so ideal.
Now that I’ve written this poem for you,
I can say to myself,
That I love you too.

The Rose

2009-06-10T19:45:00.000-07:00

Love is never lost,
It’s just simply misplaced.
Usually in the hands of someone else,
Passed on like a fresh rose.
The rose slowly dies,
As does the love.
After finding the misplaced rose,
You look again and its just a bud.
The bud them grows and matures,
As does the love.
Like the rose,
A relationship needs love and care to stay alive.
And sometimes broken hearts lie bleeding.

This blog

2009-06-10T19:35:00.003-07:00

This will contain only my poetry. I already have a blog for photographs and my biker/everyday blog. I feel that the poetry does not really belong or fit on either. I am going to start at the beginning of my poetry days, and work my way backwards adding several at a time. It will be a while before is current. Until then, enjoy!

There are many "untitled" poems. I was unable to come up with a name when it was written. I have not gone thru them again to try...so if you think of a good name let me know. It may be best to comment on that specific one so I know exactly which one you are talking about. Thanx for visiting.